{ Andrew Mills }

Dads, Dedications, and Decisions that Last a Lifetime

On Sunday it’s a pretty special day for me as a parent. We are dedicating our little boy Asher. You only get to do that once…well actually we dedicated Hudson twice but that’s a story for another day.

As a pastor this is a really cool moment because you get to preach at your own little man’s dedication. But it also raises the question of what do you preach on at a dedication?

For Hudson, I preached on why I follow Jesus so that when he grows up he can listen to it and understand why mom and dad make the decisions we do. But on Sunday I want to share about something different because my boys are different.

On Sunday I want to explore a simple question: how can we live in such a way to leave a legacy? For me specifically it will be about how, as a parent, I can leave a legacy of love and grace in Asher’s life. But it applies much more broadly. How can you live in such a way to shape generations? To change people’s futures? That your lives echo into the future changing them?

That’s what we are exploring because my guess is that when we come to the end of our lives we won’t care about more money, better promotions, cleaner houses, or better vacations. We will care about what type of legacy we have left, whether we will be remembered and whether our lives mattered.

On Sunday we are going to figure out how to do just that. How to leave a legacy that lasts and lingers.

But before we get there maybe think back in your own life. Who has left a legacy there? How did they do it? What was it about their life that caused such an affect?

For me that was my dad. Even though he passed almost 3 years ago, he is far from gone. His life continues to leave a mark in mine. Even though he won’t hold Asher until heaven, his legacy will shape and change Asher just as it’s changed me. So the question is how do we live lives like that? And come Sunday we’ll find out.

April 19, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Disciplining with Devotional Books

I have recently run into a new parenting problem. So for all you who have been parents longer here is my problem. Our little boy Hudson does not want to go to sleep recently. Instead, when I go upstairs to bed he is often still up, with a little light on in his room reading. And when I walk in he says, “Daddy go away, I reading, I be quiet, it’s okay”.

Now normally when he is reading we would just take the book away and be done with it. But here is the issue: he’s reading his devotions.

That’s right, my little boy is breaking his bed-time by reading about God. Can you tell he’s a pastor’s kid? I mean how do you discipline someone who is reading his devotions? He says, “Daddy I just reading my devotions for a little bit [which is actually like 1.5 hours]. Daddy it’s okay”

Do I like having a sleepy and cranky boy in the mornings? No. Do I want to discourage him from this amazing habit? No.

So here is what I’ve learned. That it is sometimes wise to see the bigger picture. Paul says, “Dad’s don’t aggravate your kids” in Ephesians. And Paul is right. It is so easy to aggravate our kids, to win a little battle but miss the bigger picture. I could make this into an issue, but I’d be losing out because I want my son to feel so connected to God that it permeates his entire little life and spills out all over the place. And I think this matters, because so often we see the little issue but not the bigger picture. We ground our kids, but miss the fact that in us yelling they feel unloved. We take away their toys when they do something bad, but can actually squash their independence and creativity. The point is to see the bigger picture before making decisions.

I am not someone who thinks we should just let our kids do anything for fear of “squelching their development”. Instead, I want to guide, raise, and train up my son in the best way possible. I want him to go to bed on time, and read his devotions. I don’t want to win with one issue and lose the other.

So when as parents we have these odd moments here’s what I do. I wait before I make a decision, try to see the bigger picture, and try to make the best decision that has the best results long-term.

So in my bed-time breaking devotion reading boy – what did we do? Simple we put him to bed earlier. That’s right earlier. If he wants to read his devotions in bed, awesome! So now we put him to bed earlier so he can read his devotions, and still make it to bed on time. This is a win-win. Paul’s right, don’t aggravate your kids, raise them. The difference is often subtle but it matters a lot.

April 17, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Power, Dominance, Submission, and Jesus-Style Love in a Marriage

On Sunday we explored the potentially difficult passage of Ephesians 5 where Paul writes, “Wives submit to your husbands…Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church”.

What we came away with was an understanding that no healthy relationship is based on power and dominance. We realized that we are all called to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21), and that the way Jesus related to others was through submission, humbleness, and sacrifice. The same things are too part of our marriages: submission, humbleness, and sacrifice.

We explored how Paul elevates woman, with the expectation that they are partners in marriage making a choice to be like Christ. Then Paul expects the same thing of husbands reminding them of their obligation to love like Jesus. This means buying flowers once in a while isn’t enough. This means husbands remembering the anniversary every other year isn’t enough. It is not until we have loved our wives with such a depth of self-sacrifice and giving, that all their flaws vanish because of the depth of our love that we haven’t done our job. Paul raises the bar pretty high actually.

We ended up landing on this truth that relationships based in power and dominance lead to division and difficulty. But relationships based in the type of love shown by Jesus Christ lead to life. Marriages based on self-sacrificial and submissive love last.

So we ended off asking ourselves a tough question. Are we sacrificing in our marriages, friendships, and relationships? Are we caring and putting the other person first? Is our love self-centred or sacrificial? Because I believe it’s when we love like Jesus that relationships last and give life.

We ended off by quoting Wendell Berry who I believe is worth quoting again. He writes this: “The proper question, perhaps, is not why we have so much divorce, but why we are so unforgiving. The answer, perhaps is that, though we still recognize the feeling of love, we have forgotten how to practice love when we don’t feel it”.

And I think that’s the challenge for all of us married or not. To learn to practice love when we don’t feel it. I think it’s a practice worth learning.

Sermon Notes:

Big Idea: Marriage based on self-sacrificial love leads to life

Take Aways…

Our experience with marriage shapes our view on marriage
We have a romantic individualistic view of marriage
Jesus gives grace to a messy marriage life in John 4
Christ is his relationship with us took on a posture of submission and sacrifice not one of dominance and power
Striving for power and dominance in relationships wrecks relationships
Women in that day and age weren’t a partner but property
Paul elevates wives to a position of a partner with a choice to love like Jesus
Paul asks the same of husbands to love like Jesus
To be the head means source or origin
Marriage isn’t about perfection, but an opportunity of reflection – of loving like Jesus
Marriage is based on self-sacrificial and submissive love
“The proper question, perhaps, is not why we have so much divorce, but why we are so unforgiving. The answer, perhaps is that, though we still recognize the feeling of love, we have forgotten how to practice love when we don’t feel it” Wendell Berry

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What made you laugh? What did you take away? Was this take on this passage new? Where have you seen relationships based on power and dominance struggle? When have you seen relationships based on love and submission succeed? In your relationships are you loving with self-sacrificial love? Are you learning to practice love when you don’t feel it? What next steps can you take this week to pour love into your significant relationships’?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Take a moment and talk with your kids what you think marriage is based on. Share with them what matters in it. Share with them why it matters. And then share with them some important things to practice and learn before they get married like loving when you don’t fee like it, forgiving if you don’t want to, and taking the first step even if its hard.

Challenge for this Week:

Love even if you don’t feel like it

April 15, 2013 by Andrew Mills

What is a Biblical View of Marriage?

All this month we are talking about developing deep roots in our families and friendships. Tomorrow we are hosting our first annual marriage seminar. Our desire is that healthy marriages would turn into healthy families and healthier communities.

Following the seminar, on Sunday I’m going to be sharing on marriage. This is potentially one of the most hotly contested topics because of the wide variety of experiences people have had with marriage. Some are for it, some against it, some want to find one, some want out of one, some are healthy and some are struggling. Through our family, friendships, and the world around us we all have ideas and opinions on marriage.

On Sunday though my hope isn’t to explore our opinions but instead to discover God’s plan for marriage. We are going to be tackling potentially the most misunderstood, and potentially damaging text in the Bible related to marriage. We are going to be exploring Ephesians 5 where Paul discusses marriage in relation to submission, sacrifice, and love.

The point we want to come away with for all of us in marriages, hoping to find a marriage, or even for those happy and single – what is the basis of a strong covenantal relationship? How do you have a healthy marriage? What is it based on?

So before we get there what do you think? What makes a marriage healthy? What makes one last? Which marriages make you think…I want that? What is it about some marriages that make you say, “they are missing the point?”

And while I give you my answer on Sunday…I’ll start with this. Healthy marriages are never based on power and dominance. They are based on something else entirely. And to discover what that “something” is we are going to explore Ephesians 5 in context and culture and realize that one decision can move your marriage from struggling to life giving.

April 12, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Homes, Hospitality, and Why Finding Jesus Often Begins Around a Table

Earlier this week I heard a really great story, of how people came out to our church, connected, and had God speak to them. It was very moving to hear about how God was working in their lives, and it got me really excited.

This is wonderful and beautiful, and there is something powerful that happens when the church gathers together. And it’s my honest hope that whenever we gather together as a community that life change happens, that people experience God, and that new life is found. But here is the interesting thing this life change for these people didn’t begin in our church, it began in a home.

You see long before these people were ever invited to church, they were invited into a home of someone a part of our church. Long before they ever crossed the door into our church building, they were welcomed into a home many times. Long before they ever heard me share on grace and life, they saw a friend demonstrate grace and life to them.

So the point is that if we want to see life change, the church is important, but let us not forget about our homes. Because I believe that change often starts in the home with hospitality. When people, as the church, practice hospitality it sparks transformation. When we invite friends, neighbors, and co-workers into our circles sharing grace, trust and hope, this is where life change begins. I absolutely believe we all need to be connected to a local community. I just know it often begins with being connected around a table, a meal, and a cup of coffee first.

So invite people to join in your church. Invite people to join with Jesus in what he is doing. Just don’t forget one of the first steps…to invite them over to your house first.

April 10, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Irresponsibility Kills Roots

On Sunday we explored a key to all our relationships: responsibility. The truth is that if we want to have deep relationships, if we want to have solid friendships, if we want to have healthy roots in our families, we need to learn to be responsible. Irresponsibility kills roots and kills relationships.

My guess is that in your family and friends the people who bug you the most are in some way irresponsible. They aren’t owning and being accountable for their own stuff. Because the reality is, that whenever someone is irresponsible, someone else has to pick up the slack. So on Sunday we explored this theme of irresponsibility and looked at the first family in Adam and Eve.

What we discovered is that irresponsibility is really easy to see in someone else, but really hard to see in ourselves. So we asked ourselves, “Are we being responsible in our relationships?” Through the story of Adam and Eve we discovered some signs of irresponsibility. The first is blame. Whenever we start blaming, we are trying to shift responsibility. Adam blames Eve for eating the fruit, Eve blames the serpent, and people have been blaming ever since. But if we want healthy relationships we need to stop blaming and start owning our issues. The second sign of irresponsibility is when people start hiding. Whenever you start hiding conversations, maybe your spending, or where you are spending your time there is a responsibility problem. Adam and Eve, right after they eat the fruit, hide so that they don’t need to take responsibility. We need though to stand up and stop hiding and start owning our mistakes, failures, and become accountable. The last sign of irresponsibility was if we are creating new rules. Rules are created to curb irresponsibility, although they never really work. After Adam and Eve’s failure the story of the Bible is really a story of creation of many new rules to curb bad behavior. Finally, with Jesus the rules get thrown out (the Law) and he gives us the task of being responsible (loving God and others). So the point is that if we are needing to create lots of new rules in our families, friendships, or even businesses there is a responsibility problem that needs to be dealt with.

So we ended off asking people to honestly think through this question: “Am I being responsible” Because being responsible in relationships leads to deep roots. And I think that’s what we want. Relationships that last, thrive, and are healthy and whole. But that only happens when we start taking responsibility.

Sermon Notes:

Big Idea: Responsibility leads to deep roots

Take Aways…

Irresponsibility always leads to more rules
Irresponsibility is easy to see in someone else and hard to see in yourself
Am I honestly being responsible in my relationships
When people are responsible rules aren’t needed
Whenever rules are broken consequences soon follow
Signs of Irresponsibility in a Relationship
- Blaming
- Hiding
- Creating New Rules
Rules never create responsibility
Responsibility leads to deep roots
Ways to build responsibility:
- Stop hiding and start dealing with things
- Stop blaming and start owning things
- Stop creating new rules and start taking responsibility

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What made you laugh? What did you take away? Were there any stories or examples Andrew used that you could relate too? As you look in your own life are there any areas where you blame, or hide? Are there things you are being irresponsible with? How can you stand up and start taking responsibility for them?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Take a moment and talk with your kids about rules and responsibility. Ask them if they’d like to live without rules. Tell them that if they’d like less rules, they need to take more responsibility. Talk to them about how being responsible (doing what is right) builds trust and you need less rules. Use some recent examples either good or bad from your own family life about how to illustrate this. Talk to them about giving them more freedom as they show more responsibility.

Challenge for this Week:

Take responsibility in your relationships

April 8, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Healthy Families Start Where?

On Sunday we are starting a brand new series looking at Roots. We are looking at how to have healthy roots in our families, friendships, and relationships. The reality is that if we want to have healthy connections with people we need deep foundations. So we are going to be looking at a few ways to develop that in our relationships all around us.

But before we get there it’s good to think through on our own: what makes relationships healthy? What are some of the keys to having healthy and strong foundations?

I know the answer is Jesus and love. Those are true. But why not press a bit deeper. How do you ensure that your family foundation is strong? How do you practice having whole and healthy friendships? What is the difference between relationships that last and survive difficulty and ones that don’t?

On Sunday we are going to be looking at the first family, Adam and Eve, to see what caused issues in their relationship and how we can learn from their mistakes. But we have all been a part of families and relationships for good or bad.

What have you learned that makes them work? What have you learned that doesn’t make them work?

April 5, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Finding God in a Dark Bathroom

Hudson had to go pee last Sunday. So we ran quickly at church to the bathroom. The lights were off because we were closing up and leaving, so he said “Dad I scared”. I of course turned on the lights, but I thought while using a urinal would be a good time to have a little talk.

So I told him we don’t need to be scared with mom and dad around. Then I told him that even better than that, you always have God with you. He loves you, and is with you even if things are dark, so we don’t need to be scared.

I thought I had done a great job explaining things, but little did I know Hudson would do an even better job. He said to me, “Oh yes daddy, God, I know him. We have him at our house, I do devotions with him” and he ran out of the bathroom.

Nothing as a dad, or a pastor makes me happier than little moments like that. In case though you are picturing me and Hudson sitting down and reading the Bible together having deep prayer moments, that’s not what it’s often like. It’s often like what every interaction with busy boys is like: loud, sometimes difficult, and sometimes frustrating. Hudson is often jumping around, getting out of the covers, singing, making car noises, playing with a car he snuck into bed, and most often not looking at our devotional book. But we press through and do it every night in spite of the ups and downs.

And as Hudson ran out of that bathroom saying, “I know God, we do devotions” I realized something. That the very rhythm and action of trying to lead him into a deeper relationship with God is in fact leading him into a deeper relationship. The point isn’t perfection, it’s perseverance. We might not get it right every night, but the very act of trying is leaving an impact.

I tell you this, because I don’t know if you’re at all like me, but sometimes faith is tough. Sometimes following Jesus isn’t easy, and sometimes it’s a struggle. Sometimes our nighttime routines are beautiful and wonderful. Sometimes they seem like an utter disaster. Sometimes I wonder if me reading our devotions to a jumping boy making car noises is having an impact – if it even matters. But what I realized on Sunday was that sometimes just sticking it out is succeeding. Sometimes the very act of us not giving up leaves a bigger impact than we might imagine.

So even if tonight goes rough, I’m not going to quit doing devotions, praying, and following Jesus with my little boy because it’s making a difference. Because on Sunday after months of up and down devotions, I’m so proud to share with you that Hudson told me that he knows God, he’s at our house, and we all do devotions together.

April 4, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Heaven is Here Now…

On Sunday we talked about the end of the story. We explored the last two chapters of Revelation. These chapters are full of images of life and hope. We read of living waters flowing, bringing healing to every person. We read of a place where chaos no longer reigns. We read of God restoring everything. We read of a place where the sun continually shines bathing people in life, light, and love. We read of how the presence of God is fully there unmediated, and fully available.

And we asked the question that is most obvious: when will these things happen?

The difficult, astounding, and Biblical answer is that in some way they already have. That with Jesus’ resurrection God’s presence is available for all us. Healing of our spirits and souls can now be found. Chaos is beaten, and light begins to stream from the tomb. The hard to grasp beautiful truth is that the future of hope is coming towards us, but it began at Easter with resurrection. So we do not need to wait till the end of time to experience, we can experience heaven now. Because the truth is wherever Jesus is fully present so too is heaven. Heaven is his presence.

We closed with reading a promise, a prayer, and an invitation to all of us today:

“The Spirit and the bride say ‘Come’. Let each one who hear them say, ‘Come’. Let the thirsty ones come – anyone who wants to. Let them come and drink the water of life without charge”. Revelation 22:17

This promise isn’t about the future but the present. This promise isn’t about what will happen, but what can happen today. Today if you need life, love, grace, hope, and healing. Answer the invitation to come, answer the call and drink the water of life, letting it give you life.

This is what we explored on Sunday and what we will explore for the rest of our lives…how to live in light of God’s presence that is with us today because of Easter.

Sermon Notes

Big Idea: The end of the story is beautiful but it begins today…

Take Aways…

What does Jesus death and resurrection mean?
God doesn’t cancel our current creation but restores it
In Jewish thought the sea can be a metaphor for chaos
We can experience living water today
You experience heaven now by finding Jesus today

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What made you laugh? What did you take away? What would your life be like if you lived without guilt, shame, or brokenness? What do you need to experience today (life, freedom, hope, etc)? How can you Easter become a reality? How can you welcome Jesus into your life today?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Talk to your kids about how following Jesus isn’t about just going to heaven, but experiencing heaven here. Ask them what they think heaven is like. Talk to them about how heaven is full of joy, grace, love, fun, and hope. Talk to them about how Jesus wants them to experience that now. Ask them when they’ve felt those things and if Jesus has felt close when they feel loved. Take a moment and pray with them to experience “heaven” in their lives today.

Challenge for this Week

Come to Jesus today…

April 1, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Death, Darkness, and the Fallacy of “Good” Friday

Today is Good Friday. A day that is only good in hindsight, and even then it’s obscured through darkness, pain and difficulty.

Today is the day that Jesus entered fully into our darkness to provide a way out. It’s today that when we look upon Jesus and his sacrifice we realize how unable we are to make our lives work as we would want. We see our struggle for coherence, meaning, and power. We see in Jesus’ naked body nailed to the cross our own betrayals of friends and family. We see how our desire to create empires of meaning and worth are empty, and filled with dust and dirt. We ask ourselves “what have we become”? We look at our lives in light of the sacrifice of Jesus, and we are moved to silence. We see God die and ask ourselves why, and when does the darkness break? But the darkness won’t break for another three days.

For three days doubt, darkness and death reign.

So today is not an easy day. Today is not a good day. Today is though a necessary day.

Today, like on a day many years ago Jesus’ body was broken, like bread, so that we might be made whole. Jesus poured his life out, like wine, as a sacrifice for our sins. Jesus gave up his life so that we might find it.

This is the message of today: life, breath, blood and brokenness all mix together so that in the end death might be beaten. But on this day we remember that before death was beaten, it seemed as if it had won. Before darkness lost its final battle, the light of the world was lost. So today we remember that before light and love burst forth…they went through death and darkness…

March 29, 2013 by Andrew Mills