Category: Personal Musings

Tears as Prayers

Photo from http://www.sxc.hu by dogmadic

I often remark to my church family that if they want a pastor who doesn’t cry, they should get a different pastor. I often cry because I’m moved, because my soul feels something deep, or something deep within me is trying to express itself. But I don’t believe tears are to be avoided but that tears are in one sense prayers. Expressions of our depth.

That’s why I believe tears can be healing. Tears are the prayers of the soul. Tears are what we give when we can’t give anything else. When my dad died we found this quote in his to-do list:

I cry tears to you Lord, tears because I cannot speak. Words are lost among my fears, pains, sorrows, losses, hurts. But, tears you understand, my wordless prayer you hear. – Joe Bailey

There is truth in that. Tears are the prayers of the soul. But we also know that there is a time coming when we no longer need to cry or shed tears. Revelation 21: 4 says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” But in the meantime it’s okay to shed a tear. There is a future that is coming that is full of energy, connection, depth, light-bursting, and life- giving reality. In that place we won’t cry because our souls will be whole.

But today if your soul doesn’t feel whole, if your spirit feels low, it is okay to cry. Shedding tears is a prayer to God, asking him to make whole what hurts, to mend what’s broken, and to give to what feels gone. And if today that’s where you are at…then know that those tears aren’t wasted but that God hears, cares, and, in the end, will act…

by Andrew Mills

Living in Light of Loss

This past week our church family experienced a loss. A friend, family member, and person who was a part of our community passed away and went home to be with Jesus.

Whenever loss happens to a community, it affects each person differently. Some are closely connected and deeply affected, others aren’t affected in the same way. But the point isn’t how we are affected but how we, as a community, respond. The point isn’t just how loss affects you or I, but how we, as a whole ,can act.

So what should a community do when loss occurs?

Well this is a time to support, share, and care. Andrew Root writes this  “God is present when death is shared, when suffering is joined”. This is so true. When you share in people’s grief, when you join their suffering, when you demonstrate you care, you make God real and tangible. God becomes present when we give food, write a note of encouragement, or ask someone for their favorite memory of their loved one. Because when we do that, we are no longer seeing them go through grief but entering it; we are no longer standing near them,but with them and that makes all the difference.

So today even if your community isn’t going through loss like ours is, remember this:  “God is present when death is shared, when suffering is joined”. Don’t shy away from people in need but join them. Church is a place where people journey together towards Jesus and in difficult times, it’s when this needs to be demonstrated most.

So today why not journey with someone. My guess is that you know someone who has experienced loss in the past few weeks, months, or years. Why not write them, call them, or text and let them know you are praying and thinking about them. Why not join them where they are at, and bring God with you.

Because that’s what a community does – joins together and find God in our midst, no matter what we are going through…

by Andrew Mills

Quotes to Live By…

I love a good written word, paragraph, sentence, or phrase. They move me and give words to emotions that are difficult for me to describe. So I’ve included here one of my favorite quotes or prayers. I have prayed it often throughout my life. Let me know what you think of it. But also let me know what quotes have moved or changed you?

And who knows maybe I’ll post quotes to live by more often!

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
-Thomas Merton
by Andrew Mills

Sacrifice, Car Rides, and the Cross

This is Passion Week, which literally means the week of suffering. This is something we often forget as Christians. That to follow Christ means following him to the cross. That’s the hard part of following Christ. That it involves sacrifice and doing the “right thing” which is often a very hard thing to do.

Late Sunday night I was driving Hudson home from some amazing friends of ours. And it was just Hudson and I. As we were driving home well past his bedtime Hudson wanted to talk. So he asked, “Where’s Mommy?” I said, “she was with your aunt”.  He then asked, “Where’s daddy” And I said, “I’m right here with you.”  And he asked me the favorite kid question, “why?” I answered “because that’s where mommy’s and daddy’s belong right with you.” And then I promised him, “that’s where we will always be, right with you,  mommy and daddy will love you no  matter what.”

But isn’t that exactly the point of Passion Week? Promises like that are easy to say but hard to live out. Promises like that require sacrifice, but it is those promises that matter and give life. It’s promises like that that led Jesus to the cross, by him promising to be with us all the way no matter what. He was so “with us” that he took our sin, shame, and death for us. His being with us required sacrifice.

That’s the hard part of doing the right thing: it always requires sacrifice.

If I am going to be true to my promise to Hudson it will require sacrifice. It’s easy to walk with him, support him, and care for him now. But keeping that promise will be more difficult as he gets older.

But the point for us during this Passion Week is that some things are worth sacrificing for. Some people are worth sacrificing for. In fact, God shows us that all people are worth sacrificing for. That’s the story of Easter. That sacrifices may not be easy, but they are worthwhile. And God’s made one for you, because you matter to him.

So if we are following him, how can you follow his example? Who can you sacrifice yourself for because they matter?

Because while sacrifice isn’t often easy to do, it is the right thing to do…

by Andrew Mills

Roar!! I’m a Lion!!

At any given time when there is a lull in our life with our little boy he will do this. He will look at me and then yell, “Roar!”

In essence, Hudson loves to be a lion. Here’s a video to give you a sense of his “lion-ness”.

I love this about him. His given attitude at any time is to laugh, is to play, and is to roaarrrrrrr! And of all the animals he could choose to be I’m happy he’s chose a lion. Except early in the morning that is. If you think being woken by a rooster is tough, try a roaring lion.To me though, it’s wonderful and funny that Hudson’s natural disposition is to just be a happy little lion. His life is a good day when he roars, runs, smiles, and laughs. But what does this have to do with anything other than my son being cute?

Well I think for me it triggers the fact that we all have natural dispositions. We all have emotions, dispositions, or attitudes that become our natural state, regular, and normal. We all have a set of emotions that, for us, is our normal. We all have chosen patterns, and rhythms that become routine and regular. The question I have for you is, are they healthy? Is your natural disposition to be at peace, calm, happy, full of life, and full of hope? Do you more often than not slide into bitterness, disbelief, anger, or depression? Is your normal, healthy? Is your natural disposition life giving?

In essence do you roar like a lion? I think it’s a good question to think of because it is too easy in our lives to let our normals be less than they should be. It is too easy to let bitterness creep in, or anger, or disbelief.

For me though I’ve found a little someone that makes sure my natural disposition is happy, healthy, and true. Because every time I’m tempted to be down, to be draw into bitterness, a little lion with a big roar draws me out of it. And maybe if you’re having a down day he can do the same for you…

by Andrew Mills

Perspectives Change Everything

Isn’t it amazing how two people can experience the same thing and interpret it differently? Isn’t it remarkable how different perspectives shape and change actions?

As with many of my posts – I’ve learned this from my son Hudson. Today we were going out to play at a park. And Hudson is now in the stage that he likes to dress himself. This is what he chose to wear: Shorts, T-Shirt and an owl toque worn backwards. With that, he decided to pare one rubber boot, and one of mommy’s shoes.

My first reaction, or perspective, was to tell him no, was to force him to change and wear something more normal. But then my attitude, and my perspective changed. What’s the harm in what he’s wearing? I can bring a pair of shoes for him to change into. And all of a sudden I had this thought, what would I be saying no to? Wouldn’t I be saying no to him being creative, independent, choosing, and being excited about his choices? Is this what I want to communicate to my son? Or do I want to give him a safe place to make choices, encourage his creativity, and empower his independence. One thing is clear, I think about things way too much.

But I think the point remains. The perspective you bring to any situation will shape that situation. How you see and frame what’s happening around you matters. I could force Hudson into my view of normal, or allow him to experiment and create. The difference is our perspective.

So today when situations arise, good or bad, as they always do, ask yourself what’s driving your decisions. What perspective is shaping your choice? Why do you feel the way you do and what is really driving your decision? And who knows you might end up changing your choice.

And in case you’re wondering, our backwards wearing hat, rubber booted, and “big shoed” little boy had a great time at the park. And so did I…

by Andrew Mills

The Art of Asking Great Questions

A little while back, sitting in a hot tub with friends, I was asked a great question.

We were getting to know new friends a bit better and at one point they asked me. What’s the best memories you have of your dad? What were the best things about him?

That is a beautiful question. Deep, open, vulnerable, and welcomed. So I got to talk about my dad for a bit. It was beautiful.

Those are the types of great questions that take relationships deeper. Ones that open up not only conversation, but someone’s soul and heart.

Why not make a practice of asking deeper questions – beyond “How was the week”. Why not ask what did you learn this week? Where did you find joy?

So what are some of the great questions you’ve been asked?

Share some good questions here. But more importantly, share them with friends and family…

by Andrew Mills

Rhythm, Routine, or Rut?

A few weekends ago I was away for the night for board meetings. And while I was going to sleep I realized I missed something. I missed saying goodnight to Hudson. Here is our little routine. I pick up the little tired boy. We say goodnight and put him in his bed. Then before I go to bed I check on him. I cover him in the covers he’s kicked off. I pray over him. And I tell him I love him. Then I say goodnight, close the door, and go off to my bed.

I missed this routine.

This got me to thinking about the difference between routine, rhythm or a rut. Routine’s are things you do consistently. And when routine’s are beautiful, healthy, and good they become rhythm’s of life. Like going into your child’s room and saying goodnight. But routines can also shift and become a rut; where you eat the same thing each Monday.

Some routines in our lives give energy and life to us and become rhythms. Some routines in our lives sap energy and becomes ruts. Some routines we need to celebrate, cherish, and protect. Other routines we need to break, stop, and move away from. Putting Hudson to bed is a routine I will protect and cherish. Connecting with God in the mornings is a routine I don’t want to take for granted. But my emotional routine of fear or worry after certain experiences needs to change.

The question is are the everyday routines of your life healthy rhythms or unhealthy ruts?

Think about these questions: How often do you check your work email? Do you exercise? Do you have regular emotional responses that don’t lead to health and life? Do you have a consistent time with Jesus? Is stress and worry too often a part of your life? Does meeting with this friend each uplift you? Does taking time for silence and simplicity help?

The point isn’t to get rid of routines. The point is to turn each healthy routine into a daily rhythm, and to stop unhealthy routines from becoming a lifelong rut.

So what routines do you need to break? Which ones do you need to protect?

by Andrew Mills

The Lingering of Loss

I lost my dad over a year and half ago.

The problem is that statement isn’t true. But it feels true.

I haven’t lost my dad, and he hasn’t lost me. I will never lose my dad. It just feels that way. He’s not lost to me we’re just separated at the moment. One day we’ll be back together. That’s the promise of the gospel. The trouble is that the separation is so deep, it’s so long, and sometimes its too much. Death is separation. Death is wrong. And there are some days more than others that I wish I could bridge that abyss called death.

On Sunday I felt so at home at our church. I preached about what I care about. I saw people touched by God. I was touched by him. And as we drove home Krista turned to me and said, “I saw and heard your dad so much in your preaching today.” That was a sermon my dad would have preached. I knew that when I was preaching. It was the type of day I would have liked to just call up my dad and talk about the service like we used to for close to 20 years. I wanted him to be able to share in the beauty of grace and acceptance I found on Sunday with me.

That’s what makes the separation so hard. It’s the “with me” part that I miss. Because at some times dad’s so close. I’m preaching, sharing, teaching, or just living and it seems like he is right there. Like I could sense him, pick up the phone and talk to him, or see him in the crowd smiling. This is why I feel like I’ve lost my dad. This is why separation isn’t a strong enough word for the pain of death. Death is evil in any form, at any time, and in any way. Paul says death is the last enemy. I know that enemy.

But while death may be the last enemy; death is not an enemy that will last. Because death has already been beaten. Jesus died to destroy death. Or more theologically put: Jesus dies to kill death.

So separation is here. But it won’t last. Death’s time is running out. So I may be separated from my dad, but he’s not lost. I’m in the waiting time. And I guess when we finally see each other again – I’ll just have lots of sermons, Sundays, and services to talk about. But at that point we’ll have time to catch up…

by Andrew Mills

Church Collection Agency

I had an odd phone call this morning.

I’m doing my morning devotions, reading the Bible, and praying and I get this phone call. On the other end is a very nice lady, very pleasant offering the services of their company for our church. They were a collection agency.

They thought they could add a lot of value to our church by freely collecting any debts that might be owed to us. She mentioned that if we rent out our hall we could get those debts back for free.

The thing that struck me was how off and odd this was. I’ll make a strong statement: Church’s shouldn’t be using collection agencies. Our two enterprises should never connect. The fact that they called assuming this would be a good thing demonstrates how misunderstood the church is.

Jesus frees us from our debts, rather than demanding payment in full. He covers over our transgressions rather than seeking to hunt us down, and find retribution. The whole thing just struck me as so odd that I actually started laughing. The point where the church starts hiring collection agencies will be the moment when we know we’ve missed the point.

I’m not saying that debts don’t deserve to be paid. They do. We should honor our word, pay what is fair, and respect the contracts we enter. All I’m saying is that Jesus’ example and model is a bit higher and deeper than that; because he pays what we deserved to pay.

So I’m sure you can guess already, but I ended the phone conversation by saying, “thanks for the offer but we won’t be needing your services”…

by Andrew Mills