Tag: Forgiveness

Don’t Pick Up the Jawbone

On Sunday we talked a bit about forgiveness. You can download it here. We looked at Samson and saw how violence, anger, and hurt can just escalate and grow if we don’t deal with it. That, unless we actually learn to deal with our hurt, it can end up driving us, depressing us, and distancing us from our loved ones. We looked at Judges 15 and how when you pursue revenge you never get even, you simply get worse. The story begins with a man, a goat, and a troubled marriage and it ends with hundreds dead, an economy wrecked, and a man hated by both his people and his enemies.

We ended our time thinking about the last scene with Samson where he picks up a jawbone to go another round with the Philistines. This can happen so easily in any relationship where we get hurt and so we want to hurt back. We take a swing with a “jawbone” through words, actions, and thoughts. We lash out saying “they made us do this” (Judges 15:3), trying to get even (15:7), and paying them back for what they did to us (15:11).

The problem is that’s not how Jesus acts or treats us. Jesus gives us a different example where we don’t respond to hate with hate, or hurt with hurt. Jesus shows us a different path where forgivness leads to life. Jesus reminds us that avoiding forgiving simply leads to prolonged hurt. C.S. Lewis’ says “Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” I agree forgiveness isn’t easy, but it is right…

So we ended with this challenge for this week: don’t pick up the jawbone. This week when you are tempted to lash out, to say something snarky, or to get even, break the cycle of hurt by stepping up and forgiving. And next Sunday we’ll be looking at how to practically forgive…

Questions for Discussion

  • Adult Discussion Questions
  • How have you seen violence or hate “cycle” in your life?
  • Why is so hard to break the cycle of revenge, hate, or violence?
  • Is there any cycles in your own life that you need break? To take the first step and “drop the jawbone”?
  • Questions for Young Families
  • Ask your kids what they want to do when soemoen hurts them. Get them to share about the feelings. Ask them what the right thing is to do when someone hurts them. Share with them how if we try to “get even” it always “get’s worse”.
  • Weekly Challenge: Don’t pick up the jawbone – practice forgiveness
by Andrew Mills

What to do with Betrayal…

On Sunday we briefly talked about what to do when we are betrayed, through following the example of Jesus. Jesus, as he is being nailed to the cross says, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. From this we realized three things. First, was that hurt people end up hurting people. We also talked about how Jesus doesn’t see his betrayers as enemies, but as broken people needing forgiveness. And lastly, that Jesus takes his betrayal to God, praying to the Father for their forgiveness.

The main point we ended on was that if we want to deal with our betrayal in the way of Jesus, we need to be like him. We need to take our betrayal to God. To give up our desire for justice our way, and give it over to him.

By this I don’t mean that we don’t create good boundaries, that we forget what happened, or that things go back to the way they were. Broken trust creates consequences. What I am saying is that the personal hurt that happens to us needs to be dealt with in a Jesus-like way. And the way Jesus deals with his betrayal and hurt isn’t to see those who betrayed him as enemies; but instead to see them as broken people needing forgiveness. Jesus also chooses to forgive, and pray for their forgiveness. In essence, he takes his betrayal and he leaves it with God.

I believe this is what we are called to do.

The problem is I often don’t want to. I want to hold on to my betrayal, bitterness, and judgement. I don’t want to give it up. My hurt starts to feel normal, justified, and right. And sometimes it is so hard to give over those deep betrayals. We feel we need to hold onto them and to fight for justice. I’m not saying those feelings aren’t right. What I am saying is that I have stronger feelings when I look at Jesus. When I see him, I want to be like him more than I want to hold onto my hurt. I want to be like him more than I want to hold onto being right, or my version of justice.

So I’ve decided to give up my hurts, betrayals, and give them over to God. I am in no way saying it’s easy; I’m just saying it’s Jesus-like. And that’s enough for me. What about you?

by Andrew Mills