Tag: Learning

Looking Back and Looking Forward: Where Has God been active?

Every year, around this time of the year, there is this cultural phenomenon that pops up all over the place. It’s the Top 10 list. There are the top 10 books, movies, songs, and even newsworthy events of 2013.

 

The point is that people look back and review the highlights. Right not DJ’s, pop culture pundits, and movie buffs are all reviewing the year for the best moments. And I’m not against this in anyway, I actually think it’s a practice that Christians should pick up.

 

The truth is that God is so very active in our lives, but the practice of living pushes us past remembering and reflecting on those moments and moving onto the next thing. So I think we as Christians don’t need to be making top ten lists of movies or things like that. Instead I think we should be making the top ten lists surrounding God.

 

What about taking time and reviewing your year and God’s active participation in it? What if you made a list titled:

The Top 10 times God showed up in my life this past year

The Top 10 Ways God’s Proven His faithfulness

The Top 10 Reasons I have to be thankful to God

The Top 10 Things I’ve Learned from God this year

 

This is actually a very spiritual practice. Reviewing, reflecting, and remembering is part of following Jesus. Its actually how we grow closer and deeper by becoming aware and remembering how God has been active in our lives. So I want to give you a challenge – why not make a top 10 list this year? But why not have it centred on God?

 

And come Sunday we are doing the same thing. We are going to be looking at the top 10 things God has taught us this year. But why wait for Sunday, why not do it today?1407094_25104674

by Andrew Mills

My Failures as a Father

733823_10152715963490643_1800426956_nOn Sunday for Father’s Day we looked at my failures as a Father. We looked at three major ones I’ve had in: attention, ownership of reactions, and affirmation.

The first failure was how I noticed Hudson had to get my attention often when I was at home. I was at home, but not “at home” really. But this isn’t the example of God. We never have to grab God’s attention, convince him to look our way, or ask for his time. We always have it, and isn’t that a wonderful feeling? Knowing that when you turn to him he is already fully there invested and listening? What if we took that practice into our relationships? That’s one failure, and one example of a place where I think we can all grow and change our relationships.

The second was with ownership of reactions. Whenever my boys do something wrong and I get that feeling of anger, punishment, or judgement welling up within me. I know that I have work to do inwardly. My boys can’t make me yell, can’t make me mad, can’t make me act ungraciously or without gentleness. I need to own those initial gut reactions. Or put another way, anything that comes out of me, is because of me. That’s how Jesus puts it in Matthew 7 that trees bear fruit from what’s within. That means my boys, your boss, your spouse can’t make you act meanly. That’s our personal responsibility to own. So what I realized is that before I can ever help guide my boys in the right direction, I need to ask Jesus’ advice, focus on my own stuff, get it right and then help my boys. Jesus uses the example of getting rid of the plank in our eye before trying to get out anyone else’s speck. What he’s saying is own and deal with your stuff, your junk, your less-than-Jesus-like reactions, then deal with others. So I learned I need to start with me before I can be really in the right space to help my boys.

The last failure I’ve learned from is lacking affirmation in my boys. It’s not that I don’t affirm the great things in my boys, I do, but not enough. As I read the gospels and the New Testament, Paul, Jesus, and other writers are consistently and constantly affirming who we are in Christ. They say we’re new creations, holy, pure, loved, chosen, desired, adopted, and fully connected to Christ. They are constantly reminding us who we are. And I need to do that with my boys. I need to constantly be reminding them of who they are, so that they know how to live. I need to tell them that they are good, loved, smart, fun, and beautiful so that they will begin to believe it about themselves, and live up to it. In essence, I need to affirm in them who they already are, and who they are becoming.

We ended with simply recognizing how powerful, if we just learned from these three failures, how our lives could impact others. What if in our significant relationships we show deep attention? What if we always deal with our stuff before ever helping others with their stuff? What if people realized that we are always affirming who they are and who they are becoming? How might those actions change your marriage, your children, your family, friends, and neighbors? I think it would change them a lot. If when people looked at you they see someone who gives full attention, who gives deep affirmation, and always seeks to live more Jesus-like. I think living like that is worth striving for, and for me I’m going to. Not only for me, but also for my boys. They deserve a dad like that, so I’m going to do my best to live that out.

Sermon Notes:

Big Idea: Show attention, affirmation, and ownership of reactions in relationships

Take Aways…

  • Failure #1: A Lack of Attention
  • The Prodigal Son had the Father’s attention even when he wasn’t there
  • We never need to grab God’s attention; we already have it.
  • Failure #2: My Initial Gut Reaction
  • Our reactions might be normal, but not Jesus-like.
  • What comes out of us is because of us
  • Failure # 3: Lack of Affirmation
  • I affirm who he is becoming
  • Have you been giving people your full attention?
  • In trying we will be improving.

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What did you take away? What was new? What failures have you learned most from? What would you add to Andrew’s examples? Which of the failures do you think you struggle with most? Where is God calling you to grow? How can you show some signicant relationships your attention, affirmation, and personal ownership of your reactions?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Take a moment and talk about your kids about today’s sermon. Be sure to start off by telling them the ways you know you have messed up and failed. Ask them for their forgiveness and how you will be trying to do better. Take a moment and model vulnerability, confession, and trust.

Challenge for this Week: Pay attention, Affirm, And Own your Reactions

 

by Andrew Mills

Father’s Day, Failures, and a New Future

321418_10152829471805643_695467691_nSunday is a special Sunday: it’s Father’s Day. I know this isn’t an easy day for everyone. If, like me, you’ve lost a father it can be tough. If you never really had a father, had a difficult father, or you desperately want to be a father but it hasn’t happened – I know all of these things can make Sunday difficult. Yet I also know for many of us Sunday can be a celebration. So recognizing all the complexity on Sunday I want to explore an odd topic: my failures.

On Sunday I want to be open and honest and share with you how I have failed as a father, and what that has taught me about God and relationships in general. I’ve only been a father for 3 short years, and 6 months with 2, but even in three years you can falter and fail even with the best intentions.

I know it’s an odd place to start with failures, but if you’re at all like me I learn so much more from my failures than sometimes my successes. And as I’ve faltered as a father my boys have been teaching me so much about God, myself, and all my relationships. So this is what I really want to take a look at on Sunday because failing doesn’t bother me. Not learning from my failures bothers me. I will make mistakes, and mess up – that’s life and parenting. But my hope is always to grow and change. So on Sunday we’ll open up some of my failures so that together we might all learn some important biblical principles around attention, affirmation, and owning our reactions.

Of course I’ll be sharing stories, of my boys painting the carpets and stories from Jesus. So I hope you can join us. But before we get there why not spend sometime and think through what failures have you really learned from? How have you changed? And most importantly, are there people you can share these lessons with so that we might all grow together?

by Andrew Mills

Go to Timeout Daddy!

941103_10152862084975643_260761294_nWe have a three year old, which also means that we have a timeout spot. For us it’s the stairs. This has been helpful because pretty much every place we go has stairs.

Everybody’s different, but for us we use timeouts to help Hudson make right choices. Some people use timeout’s for punishment but we want it to be a corrective. So the general rule is he able to come off timeout whenever he is ready to say sorry, eat his supper, or do whatever it is he was supposed to in the first place. This is important to us because then Hudson still has some control, and if he makes the right choice right away he can get out of timeout quickly. There isn’t a set punishment time, instead he sits there as long as it takes to make the right choice. Because we want our kids to make the right choices. What is funny is that our kids also want us to make the right choices.

So the other day I’m in a bad mood. I’m grumpy. I’m complaining, and not being “happy”. So you know what Hudson does? He puts me in timeout.

He says, “Daddy no whining, you go to timeout. When you happy you come off and say sorry and we play. Okay!”

My little boy is no longer just learning the right choices, but expecting them from others. This is a really good thing, although I did have to spend sometime in timeout.

What I’m learning if I’m to be a good father is that it’s a lot about consistency. Consistently living what I’m asking. Consistently living up to my own expectations I set for my boys. In essence I need to model what I am trying to teach, and practice what I preach.

So maybe it’s a good moment today to simply take a second and ask yourself, “Do you need to go to timeout?” Is there something you expect of others that you aren’t doing? Are you making the right choices you ask other people to make?

Because trust me its so much better when we say we’re sorry, act the right way, and get back to playing…

by Andrew Mills

My List of Failures…

I hate to fail. I hate the feeling, I hate when it happens. But even more than that, I hate when I don’t learn from my failures.

A mentor of mine taught me to keep a success list. This is where you write down significant accomplishments. Not big, but significant. This helps you when you hit a low week. Those weeks where you wonder what you’re doing in life, and if your life has had any meaning. You can look back over your list and realize that God is working through you. It’s almost a reminder of God’s activity in your life. And this is a good thing.

But I’ve started up something less positive – My list of Failures. This may seem odd, and perhaps it is. But I hate making mistakes and hate even more repeating them. So I write down key mistakes, and what I’ve learned from them so I never do it again. And yes I could title my list more positively like “My List of Learnings”. But for me I know I fail, and I will fail. The title may not be happy but it keeps me humble and healthy.

So want to know some things off my list? Here are a few mistakes I’ve learned from. Don’t email, when a phone call is better and more easily understood. Don’t think someone else will do it. Don’t be embarrassed to ask to pray for someone.

Want to know my newest one?

On Sunday I didn’t feel like I did a good job preaching. Inside I felt a bit off, unsure, and flustered. I let that affect me and my responses. I failed a bit there. So here’s my newest one: Don’t let your job or duties ever stop you from simply pausing, breathing, and praying for God to be present. That probably would have made the difference.

But I’m not going to let to make the same mistake twice.

But what about you. What will you not let happen twice?

What mistakes have you learned from?…

by Andrew Mills

My Top 10 Lessons I’ve Learned… Part 2

Here are the next three lessons I’ve learned this year.

Lesson #5: God’s Love is Unconditional

This is something I’ve known, but this year experinced in a deeper way than before. With a son, whom I love so deeply for no reason other than he’s worth loving, I’m starting to get a glimpse into what God feels for us. This in reality is really changing me this year.

Lesson #4: God sees Us as Holy

This has been an amazing learning, that once you come to know Christ God sees you as holy. You are not a sinner, but saint in God’s eyes. Go and check it out yourself. Read the Bible and discover that what defines us isn’t sin but Jesus Christ within us. So this year I’m focusing on reminding people who they are in Christ, not what they need to do. My theological hunch is that the more we focus on who we actually are, the easier it will be to actually live that out.

Lesson #3: Grace is Costly

Grace is freely given, but that grace costs. I’ve learned this year that grace is hard to give, it isn’t cheap. We love to give grace to people who deserve it, but God gives it to us, those of us who don’t deserve it. And we should do the same. To give grace to those who hurt us, who know better, who won’t accept any responsibility for their actions. We don’t do this because it’s easy, but because it’s godly. This doesn’t mean excusing the hurt that was caused, but recognizing the depth of the hurt and still choosing to show grace. This is the high road, and high roads are hard. But that’s also where you’ll find God and Jesus walking with you.

For me these were three amazing lessons to learn. The first two were great to learn, the last one no one wants to have to learn. But each made me a better person I believe.

What have you learned over the past year that’s made you a better person?

Would you share it with us?

by Andrew Mills

Making a Top Ten List…

This upcoming Sunday is the first day of the new year. It’s a time to look forward to what’s coming and to reflect on what’s happened.

If we don’t reflect we run the risk of not realizing how we’ve grown, how we’ve changed, and how God’s spoken to us. There is an old spiritual technique called the Ignatian Examen. But in a simplified version you simply look back over a period of time and ask yourself these questions:

  • When did I feel closest to God? When did I feel farthest from him?
  • When did I feel full of generosity and grace? When didn’t I feel generous and gracious?
  • Where did I notice God in the past year? When did I fail to notice him?
I’d invite you to simply do that. Take some time and reflect on what God taught you this year. I’ve done that and have come up with a Top 10 list of lessons I’ve learned about God this year. And I’ll share them with you all next week.
But what about you? What has God taught you this year? What’s your top ten list?
I’ll share my list, but I’d love to hear a few of them off of your list!
Because maybe what God has taught you, you can teach me…
by Andrew Mills