Parenting – Page 3 – { Andrew Mills }

Hudson and His Church Antics, and Church Love

Today we were talking about Jesus as Hudson and I drove to daycare. At one point Hudson just blurts out “Daddy I really love Jesus, because I love going to church.” For Hudson the connection he has with our church, has positively influenced his connection with Jesus. And I know for many people out there, the church hasn’t been helpful with people connecting with Jesus. For some they like Jesus, but not the church. But that’s why I love my church so much, because it is showing and helping Hudson to fall in love with the Jesus I know.

So my first thought to Hudson’s little statement was this. Thank you. Thank you to all those in our church who continue to pour into our kids. Thank you for all those who welcome kids and make them feel safe and supported. Thank you for all those who continue to love not only my sons but all those around you.

Thank you that when he runs down the aisle yelling that he has to pee, you smile and say “run fast little guy”.
Thank you for how when we were potty training, and at the front of the church he pulled down his pants to show off his new “big boy” underwear – you all cheered.
Thank you for how you watch my boys on Sundays so I can connect with others, and I always know he is safe and cared for.
And yes last but not least, I will even say thank you to all of you (which is most of you) who love to give my boys as many cookies and treats as possible before we go home. Because your generosity has Hudson hooked on church, and Jesus.

So thank you. And for all of you who don’t go to my church, thank you if you do the same in your community. If you welcome and care and reach out. Because those little actions, high fives, and hugs change lives. I know they’ve changed Hudson’s and because of that – they are changing mine too. Thank you.

June 18, 2014 by Andrew Mills

Daddy You’re My Son

Earlier this week Hudson woke me up from bed because we all slept in (Praise God!). And he said something a bit strange…”Wake up daddy, you’re my son. I love you. Wake up daddy”. And I said to him, “Hey buddy I’m your daddy, you’re my son. I’m not your son.”

And then he explained what he meant to me. Hudson went on to explain how I am his son, because he loves me. Hudson has somehow so associated the word love, and son – that they have become almost interchangeable for him.

And for me this is an amazing thing!

What it means is that I must use the words love and son in such close connection so often that Hudson hasn’t separated them. That for him they are almost synonyms. He believes that to be a son is to be loved, and that when you love someone they are your son.

And it just made me think – what if all our kids new this? I mean, what if they all knew deep down that to be a son or a daughter is to be loved? That being loved is foundational to their identity as a son or daughter? That because they are a son or a daughter they are loved beyond anything else and that – that love is certain and forever? What if the words and actions of our lives so tie together the words sons, daughters, and love that they can’t be separated? I think this is a beautiful goal and it is also a godly goal.

Because if we learn anything from the Gospels we should learn that in God’s Kingdom to be a child of God and to be loved unconditionally are intimately tied together. That being a son or daughter of God is so foundationally tied to being loved completely that they can’t be separated. 1st John 3:1 says this, “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” Being a child of God is to be loved by God, and being loved by God is to be included and welcomed into his family. I just think that’s beautiful. And I think anytime we can model that love and inclusion in our own families is important too.

So obviously all of that is to say that I didn’t correct Hudson. So if he runs up to you and says you are his son, it just means he loves you deeply like a dad does a son. And that’s not a bad thing.

May 14, 2014 by Andrew Mills

Daddy, Does Jesus Drive a Car?

The other day Hudson and I were playing race cars. It was going great, and then he stopped and looked at me and asked: “I want Jesus to come over and play”. Because Hudson has a relationship with Jesus, he wants to play and connect with Jesus. This is a good thing.

But Hudson wasn’t quite done his questions. He was trying to figure out why Jesus hasn’t come over to play with him. So then he asked the next obvious question, “Daddy does Jesus have a car to drive or not?”

At first glance this question seems almost silly. We chuckle, and we grin. I sure did as my son asked me that question. Hudson wanted to know if Jesus lacked transportation and if that’s stopping him from coming over.

And so we chuckle a bit because the question seems so silly doesn’t it…because Jesus doesn’t need a car to visit us. It seems funny to think of Jesus needing a car, except that is exactly what the incarnation teaches us. That Jesus is human and experienced our needs as we do.

The point is, we are so accustomed to thinking of Jesus as the divine Son of God, that we forget or dimish his humanity. But if we forget Jesus’ humanity – Jesus quickly becomes distant, unapproachable, and irrelevant to our lives. So Hudson isn’t too far off in his question. He is trying to relate Jesus to his world, where people drive cars, play race cars, and watch TV. Hudson is just reminding us of Jesus’ humanity, which is something we need to be reminded of.

We do not simply follow a God who pretended to be like us, but one who became one of us. He became one of us, so we could become like him. This is just a good reminder that Jesus is both divine and human. We cannot forget either fact. To miss out on either side, is to miss out on who Jesus is. So I’m not sure how Jesus would get around today, but what I am sure of is that he would want to come over and play race cars with Hudson. So that’s what I told him, and then we made “vroom vroom” sounds for the rest of the afternoon.

May 7, 2014 by Andrew Mills

Parenting in the Modern Age

I was reading about C.S. Lewis and came across this quote from his wife Joy.

She writes this:

“Provoke not your children to wrath” (Eph 6:4) Easily said; but how are we to avoid it? Strife between old and young seems inevitable. Today the world changes fast and inconceivably fast; in pastoral and agricultural times, what a man knew was of use to his son, but in the industrial age Father’s knowledge is out of date before the son is half grown up…Our problem, then, pending the reconstruction of the world, is to reconstruct our own lives so that we give our children as much warmth and attention and time and teaching as the present world will allow…and let us remind the innumerable Americas who don’t seem to know it that begetting and rearing a family are far more real and rewarding than making and spending money.”

All I can say is that this stopped me and made me think. I also think I’m going to stop blogging for today and go and play and be with my boys…

April 9, 2014 by Andrew Mills

Forgiving Mr. Poopy Pants

Just a heads up this post concerns poop. Just so you know and it’s out there ahead of time.

Here’s what happened. Krista was taking Hudson to nap, and I heard this conversation from the bathroom.

“Mommy you have to forgive me for pooping in my pants. We learned that at church this morning, when someone does something wrong, you have to forgive them. Okay mommy?”

Now besides the fact that I couldn’t stop laughing, and the poop problem, this was a beautiful moment. Because here is what it showed – that Hudson understood what he was taught.

So often we learn something but never apply it, never practice it, or never learn how to live it out. So after I stopped laughing (and grinning that Krista had to deal with this ‘accident’), I was so glad. I was glad because as a parent Hudson now gets forgiveness. This is not a minor thing, this is not a little thing, this is a major thing. The entire Christian faith is built on forgiveness so if Hudson gets a handle on it at 4, think about how that could shape his life?

Which leads me to my main point: thank you to anyone who pours into kids.

I am so grateful for each friend, mentor, Sunday school teacher, church family member, who supports and pours into my kids. Sometimes it’s through teaching in our Sunday School, or giving him cookies and talking to him on a Sunday morning. The point is that your investment in my kids’ lives, the others as well, is changing them. And it’s a beautiful thing. So thank you to everyone who cares for kids anywhere.

And on this Sunday I was so grateful for each person who cares and pours into our kids here at our church specifically. So for every time you’ve wondered if it’s worth it, every time it’s been chaos, every time it didn’t feel successful – know that sometimes, with God’s grace, it sticks and changes someone. And last Sunday it stuck with Hudson, as he reminded his mommy about the importance of forgiveness. And that is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. So thank you.

March 26, 2014 by Andrew Mills

“Jesus Didn’t Ring the Doorbell”

Earlier this week at breakfast Hudson was sitting at our counter and we were talking. He looked so very sad and he said to me, “Daddy, Jesus didn’t come”. I asked him what he meant.

He said this, “Daddy, Jesus didn’t come and ring the doorbell. He didn’t come for his birthday. He missed his birthday.”

He had been thinking about this because his birthday is coming up, and he’s been talking about it all the time (he wants an Angry Birds, Cars, and Tree-Rex themed party). And I guess from all this thinking he was actually watching and waiting for Jesus to show up on Christmas day.

I sat down and talked to him about how Jesus was here over Christmas and how he is here with us now. I tried to explain to him how Jesus is a part of our lives. And he just kept coming back to – “But Daddy, I want him to ring the doorbell and come in”.

And to be honest I was a little stuck. How do you help a 3 year old become aware of God’s presence all around? How do you help him enter into the awe and wonder of encountering Jesus? How do you explain to them that Jesus is real, and present but probably won’t ring the doorbell for his birthday?

And if I’m honest with you – I don’t have a lot of great answers. I tried talking some things through but they all fell flat. I guess that’s the joy of parenting, you get to figure it out as you go, and I’m sure I’ll get another shot at explaining it.

So if you’ve maybe walked through with your kids, nieces, or grandchildren I’d love your thoughts. How do you help children experience and develop an awareness of the presence of God? I think that’s an important question to ask, think about, and try to figure out because I want Hudson to grow up knowing the full presence of God in all he does.

So I’m still working that out, and I have a lot of ways to grow as a parent. But one thing made me extremely happy even while I struggle to explain and try to help Hudson encounter Jesus. And it’s this: he was waiting and looking for Jesus and that’s a great start.

January 15, 2014 by Andrew Mills

Welcome Home Daddy

Coming home as a young dad is a great thing. This is a picture of how my boys welcome me. Hudson runs full tilt and jumps at me, and Asher giggles and walks till he gets to me and hugs me too. They both move as fast as they can, and shout “daddy” or in Asher’s case “da”.

It’s an amazing and a beautiful thing. I look forward to it everyday.

There is something about being welcomed isn’t there? Something that makes you feel special, known, and appreciated. It makes me feel such a part of their lives, and reminded that I’m a part of something special.

When I look at this picture and think about this type of welcome, I can’t help but think of God. Because God is the true Father, and I think he welcomes us in the same way. The Bible is clear, that just as my boys run to me, God runs to us. In the story of the Prodigal Son, a picture of God, the Father runs, throws his arms around his son, and welcomes him home.

This is who our God is, and what our God does. He is a God who welcomes. And I just think it’s good to be reminded of that. That when we walk into God’s presence his posture toward us is one of embrace, welcome, a full-tilt run towards us.

Sometimes I go into God’s presence quietly, meekly, and with uncertainty. But Hebrews says we can boldly walk into God’s presence with joy, with certainty, and with expectation. Because God is ready and waiting to welcome us.

So maybe take a look at this picture again, but this time think about God embracing and welcoming you. And the next time you’ve been away from God’s presence for too long, don’t hesitate to walk right back in. Because you know that God is ready and waiting to run to you and welcome you home.

October 30, 2013 by Andrew Mills

My Failures as a Father

On Sunday for Father’s Day we looked at my failures as a Father. We looked at three major ones I’ve had in: attention, ownership of reactions, and affirmation.

The first failure was how I noticed Hudson had to get my attention often when I was at home. I was at home, but not “at home” really. But this isn’t the example of God. We never have to grab God’s attention, convince him to look our way, or ask for his time. We always have it, and isn’t that a wonderful feeling? Knowing that when you turn to him he is already fully there invested and listening? What if we took that practice into our relationships? That’s one failure, and one example of a place where I think we can all grow and change our relationships.

The second was with ownership of reactions. Whenever my boys do something wrong and I get that feeling of anger, punishment, or judgement welling up within me. I know that I have work to do inwardly. My boys can’t make me yell, can’t make me mad, can’t make me act ungraciously or without gentleness. I need to own those initial gut reactions. Or put another way, anything that comes out of me, is because of me. That’s how Jesus puts it in Matthew 7 that trees bear fruit from what’s within. That means my boys, your boss, your spouse can’t make you act meanly. That’s our personal responsibility to own. So what I realized is that before I can ever help guide my boys in the right direction, I need to ask Jesus’ advice, focus on my own stuff, get it right and then help my boys. Jesus uses the example of getting rid of the plank in our eye before trying to get out anyone else’s speck. What he’s saying is own and deal with your stuff, your junk, your less-than-Jesus-like reactions, then deal with others. So I learned I need to start with me before I can be really in the right space to help my boys.

The last failure I’ve learned from is lacking affirmation in my boys. It’s not that I don’t affirm the great things in my boys, I do, but not enough. As I read the gospels and the New Testament, Paul, Jesus, and other writers are consistently and constantly affirming who we are in Christ. They say we’re new creations, holy, pure, loved, chosen, desired, adopted, and fully connected to Christ. They are constantly reminding us who we are. And I need to do that with my boys. I need to constantly be reminding them of who they are, so that they know how to live. I need to tell them that they are good, loved, smart, fun, and beautiful so that they will begin to believe it about themselves, and live up to it. In essence, I need to affirm in them who they already are, and who they are becoming.

We ended with simply recognizing how powerful, if we just learned from these three failures, how our lives could impact others. What if in our significant relationships we show deep attention? What if we always deal with our stuff before ever helping others with their stuff? What if people realized that we are always affirming who they are and who they are becoming? How might those actions change your marriage, your children, your family, friends, and neighbors? I think it would change them a lot. If when people looked at you they see someone who gives full attention, who gives deep affirmation, and always seeks to live more Jesus-like. I think living like that is worth striving for, and for me I’m going to. Not only for me, but also for my boys. They deserve a dad like that, so I’m going to do my best to live that out.

Sermon Notes:

Big Idea: Show attention, affirmation, and ownership of reactions in relationships

Take Aways…

Failure #1: A Lack of Attention
The Prodigal Son had the Father’s attention even when he wasn’t there
We never need to grab God’s attention; we already have it.
Failure #2: My Initial Gut Reaction
Our reactions might be normal, but not Jesus-like.
What comes out of us is because of us
Failure # 3: Lack of Affirmation
I affirm who he is becoming
Have you been giving people your full attention?
In trying we will be improving.

Adult / Group Discussion Questions: What surprised you? What made you think? What did you take away? What was new? What failures have you learned most from? What would you add to Andrew’s examples? Which of the failures do you think you struggle with most? Where is God calling you to grow? How can you show some signicant relationships your attention, affirmation, and personal ownership of your reactions?

Discussion Questions for Young Families: Take a moment and talk about your kids about today’s sermon. Be sure to start off by telling them the ways you know you have messed up and failed. Ask them for their forgiveness and how you will be trying to do better. Take a moment and model vulnerability, confession, and trust.

Challenge for this Week: Pay attention, Affirm, And Own your Reactions

June 17, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Father’s Day, Failures, and a New Future

Sunday is a special Sunday: it’s Father’s Day. I know this isn’t an easy day for everyone. If, like me, you’ve lost a father it can be tough. If you never really had a father, had a difficult father, or you desperately want to be a father but it hasn’t happened – I know all of these things can make Sunday difficult. Yet I also know for many of us Sunday can be a celebration. So recognizing all the complexity on Sunday I want to explore an odd topic: my failures.

On Sunday I want to be open and honest and share with you how I have failed as a father, and what that has taught me about God and relationships in general. I’ve only been a father for 3 short years, and 6 months with 2, but even in three years you can falter and fail even with the best intentions.

I know it’s an odd place to start with failures, but if you’re at all like me I learn so much more from my failures than sometimes my successes. And as I’ve faltered as a father my boys have been teaching me so much about God, myself, and all my relationships. So this is what I really want to take a look at on Sunday because failing doesn’t bother me. Not learning from my failures bothers me. I will make mistakes, and mess up – that’s life and parenting. But my hope is always to grow and change. So on Sunday we’ll open up some of my failures so that together we might all learn some important biblical principles around attention, affirmation, and owning our reactions.

Of course I’ll be sharing stories, of my boys painting the carpets and stories from Jesus. So I hope you can join us. But before we get there why not spend sometime and think through what failures have you really learned from? How have you changed? And most importantly, are there people you can share these lessons with so that we might all grow together?

June 14, 2013 by Andrew Mills

Listening with Your Eyes

Here is an old story:

A little girl came home from the school with a drawing she’d made in class. She danced into the kitchen, where her mother was preparing dinner.

“Mom guess what”, she squealed waving her drawing.

Her mother never looked up. “What” she said, tending to the pots.

“Guess what!”, the child repeated waving the drawing.

“What” the mother said tending to the plates.

“Mom you’re not listening”

“Sweetie yes I am” – said the mother.

“Mom”, the child said, “You’re not listening with your eyes”.

I think this is true for us in today’s age more than ever. So many of us when we are listening to one another we no longer listen with our eyes. We don’t deeply show our attention, our empathy, and our connection to the people we are listening to. We check our phones, check the clock, check our surroundings, but aren’t checking in with the person we are actually talking with.

I know I am as guilty as most. I’m tempted when my phone buzzes to check that text. I’m tempted to just quick check Twitter. I’m tempted to look at the clock. None of these things are bad, but all of these things communicate that the person you are talking with isn’t your top priority. In essence I’m tempted to not listen with my eyes, and then not with my heart either.

And here is why this matters, because my bet is that if someone has influenced and changed you in a deep way ~ they were a good listener. My bet is they made you a priority. My guess is they showed that you mattered by giving you their undivided attention. But having someone’s undivided attention is so rare these days, but that’s why it’s so valuable, counter-cultural, and transformational. How often you do you think your kids have someone completely rapt attention in the day? How often does your co-worker have someone truly interested in them and not just waiting for their turn to speak? How often does your neighbor have someone who isn’t rushing by but listening with their heart and eyes?

My point is that deep listening, with our hearts and eyes, is special because it is both so rare and transformative. And if we want to be people who bless, share life, change communities, and reveal Jesus’ love it will start with how we listen. It will start by putting aside our agendas, our phones, our distractions and saying to our kids, family, friends, and neighbors you matter to me with what’s going on in your life. Because that is the model of Jesus. We always have his attention, and it’s always undivided. So why not try giving that gift to someone today.

May 29, 2013 by Andrew Mills