Category: Personal Musings

My List of Failures…

I hate to fail. I hate the feeling, I hate when it happens. But even more than that, I hate when I don’t learn from my failures.

A mentor of mine taught me to keep a success list. This is where you write down significant accomplishments. Not big, but significant. This helps you when you hit a low week. Those weeks where you wonder what you’re doing in life, and if your life has had any meaning. You can look back over your list and realize that God is working through you. It’s almost a reminder of God’s activity in your life. And this is a good thing.

But I’ve started up something less positive – My list of Failures. This may seem odd, and perhaps it is. But I hate making mistakes and hate even more repeating them. So I write down key mistakes, and what I’ve learned from them so I never do it again. And yes I could title my list more positively like “My List of Learnings”. But for me I know I fail, and I will fail. The title may not be happy but it keeps me humble and healthy.

So want to know some things off my list? Here are a few mistakes I’ve learned from. Don’t email, when a phone call is better and more easily understood. Don’t think someone else will do it. Don’t be embarrassed to ask to pray for someone.

Want to know my newest one?

On Sunday I didn’t feel like I did a good job preaching. Inside I felt a bit off, unsure, and flustered. I let that affect me and my responses. I failed a bit there. So here’s my newest one: Don’t let your job or duties ever stop you from simply pausing, breathing, and praying for God to be present. That probably would have made the difference.

But I’m not going to let to make the same mistake twice.

But what about you. What will you not let happen twice?

What mistakes have you learned from?…

by Andrew Mills

Still Stuck on Grace

Here it is Sunday morning and I’m still thinking about last Sunday where we talked about grace. I’m still thinking it all through. Something that has really lasted this week was what we began the sermon with last week – a quote from Mrs. O’Brien in Terrence Malick’s new film “Tree of Life”. She says this:

“There are two ways through life, the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one to follow. Grace doesn’t try to please itself. It accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself, and get others to please it too. It likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy, when all the world is shining around it, when love is smiling through all things. They taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end. I will be true to you, whatever comes.”

The more I reflect on this quote the more I think it’s a challenge of the Kingdom. In Matthew 20:1-16, Jesus clearly shows that he runs his Kingdom on Grace. The challenge is that he is clear that if we don’t live by grace, we may find ourselves at odds with his Kingdom. As Malick says, making an illusion to Jesus, there are two ways through life, grace and nature and we must choose our path.

I believe that is the question for you and for me that I am still reflecting and grappling with. That, if the Kingdom truly runs by grace, if its rule is grace, its way of life is grace, then the implicit challenge is: are we living by grace?

Would your friends and neighbors say you give grace? Would your family characterize your life as a life of grace? What about the people who meet on the road driving to work? What about the cashier?

There are only two ways through life, one of grace and one of nature. And Malick is right, “No one who loves the way of grace has ever come to a bad end”. Because Grace is the way the Kingdom runs…

by Andrew Mills

Giving from the Grave

This week I got a gift from my grandpa and grandma, who we call “Nanny and Poppy”. The odd thing is that both of them passed many years ago.

So how did they give me a gift? Well it happened in a round about way, but also because giving lasts.

Hudson came downstairs with my favorite book as a little boy. It’s “Little Squirt the Fire Engine”. This was a book that I loved growing up. Inside the book was a card given to me from my Nanny and Poppy for my 1st birthday. Inside of that card was a crisp $2 bill and a $5 bill that I had never seen before. We don’t know why it was there, but it was a fun surprise because what was a gift for me, became a gift for their great-grandson.

So even though they never met their great-grandson they did impact him. Krista and I used the money for something special that my Nanny and Poppy would have loved. We took our little boy skating for the very first time. We donated the $5, strapped on some bob skates, and took him out on the ice for an hour. He loved it, and I know in heaven Nanny and Poppy love it too. My Poppy loved hockey, loved skating, and even tied the skates for the leafs way back in the day. So here he was passing along his love to his great-grandson years after he had passed. Here was my Nanny passing along her love for me, to her grandson. They both somehow, 27 years ago, gave a simple gift of a book, a card, and $7 that lasted.

That’s the amazing thing about gifts – they have the potential to change not only people but generations. Gifts can last and linger long after they have been given. My Nanny and Poppy never thought their $7 gift would change a great-grandson, but it did. They had no idea how long their gift would last, or how far the impact would reach. But that is the beauty of giving ~ we never know how far or how long the impact will last.

So today why don’t you think of someone special and give to them. Who knows who it might impact, and how the gift might last and change someone. I surely didn’t expect this gift from my Nanny and Poppy. But aren’t those the best gifts? The unexpected ones that shape you. So do that for someone else today, give a meaningful gift that lasts.

And in case you’re wondering…we kept the $2 bill to give to Hudson when he’s older, so my Nanny and Poppy’s gift continues to last and linger just like them…

by Andrew Mills

Love is Enough

On Sunday I preached about one story called the “Parable of the Hidden Treasure”. Today I’d like to think a bit about the next parable – “The Parable of the Pearl” because this parable actually ties right into to Valentines Day.

In this parable we read this: “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!” (Matt 13:45-46)

In this story the man sells everything he owns and he bought a pearl. But through buying this pearl he loses everything else. Everything else is sold, all he has is the pearl. Which means that the pearl is worth having and nothing else. Which means that he must truly love the pearl for what it is and not what is worth. The man doesn’t go out and sell it for a profit. Instead he gives up everything just to have it, and having it is enough. Jesus says that this is a picture of the Kingdom. And it truly is but this parable is also a picture of love.

The thought that struck me while reading this parable is this: the pearl is enough for the man. He has nothing else. He has no money, no possessions, nothing. Yet simply having it is enough for him.

This for me is a picture of love. Where you might not have anything else, but having love is enough.

This has been true for me all throughout my life. When Krista and I were first married we had no money and no possessions really, but we had each other. When my dad’s health was up in the air and we didn’t have certainty, but my family had each other. Even now our little family of three is blessed, but what makes us truly blessed is having and  loving each other.

Love isn’t often enough. Love is always enough.

So today is about love. And it’s not just about romantic love, but love in all its forms and contexts. Today you might not have a romantic someone, but hopefully you have a special someone. Someone who has been there with you, and cares for you.

So why not tell someone important in your life that they matter on this day of love. Tell them how their love and caring has helped you. Tell them how love is enough.

So Krista  ~ just so you know – for me and Hudson – your love is enough…Happy Valentines Day

by Andrew Mills

Generosity Should Hurt

I like to think of myself as a generous person. Really who doesn’t like to think of themselves as a generous person. But it’s easy to think you’re generous, sometimes practicing it is hard.

Last week a friend contacted me with a need. It was real, it mattered, and I could really help him. It would just cost me some money. But here’s the thing giving when it costs is hard…

Inwardly I had a little struggle. I knew I should give but was reluctant. Not reluctant because the need wasn’t real or worthy, but because it would be hard and might hurt a bit. Krista and I just came through Christmas, Hudson’s birthday, and didn’t have a lot of disposable funds lying around.

And that’s when I learned something about generosity. Generosity shouldn’t just come out of our surplus. Giving out of our extra is good, but giving when it’s hard isn’t just better it’s godly.

Jesus gives up everything to give to us (Phi. 2:7). He doesn’t give out of his extra, but out of his very self. His extra doesn’t determine how much he gives us. He gives till it hurts, and is hard.

So generosity should hurt a bit. That’s hard to learn, and even harder to live out. But the more I look at Jesus the easier I find it. And here’s the funny thing. After I gave to my friend, I found Jesus right there as he shook my hand and said thank you.

So all in all…it hurt a bit…but was so worth it…

And Jesus knew that all along…

by Andrew Mills

Flirting with the Line

There is an expression “flirting with the line” where you get close to doing something you know you shouldn’t. This has new meaning for me after last night.

Open Confession: my wife always leaves the car on empty and it drives me nuts. It’s one of those things that’s my pet peeve. More often than not whenever I get into the car it is on empty. She loves to go as long as possible without getting gas, and it never bothers her. Mostly because she has an uncanny ability to pass the car off to me right when it needs gas. Needless to say this bugs me, but she never found it a problem until last night.

Last night I got a sheepish phone call from my wife. She had 42 km left before dead empty on our car, and went into work without filling up in our town. She then went to visit friends, again not filling up. She was “flirting with the line”, an empty gas gauge. She got right close to empty and found 2 things: a gas station, and the realization she had left her wallet 30 km away at home. So here she was with no money, and no gas. Hence a sheepish phone call to me.

Eventually when you flirt with something long enough, you fall into it. This is what happened to Krista – eventually hitting empty, and being stuck in an awkward setting. But this type of behavior doesn’t just happen with gas gauges, Paul says it happens with sinful behavior all the time. We might allow ourselves to flirt with the line of rage, jealousy, greed, hate, or lust. We sometimes like to get close without crossing over. We don’t want to fall into it, but allow the feelings to be there for just a bit. But eventually when you flirt with the line getting close again and again sooner or later you cross the line. You might find yourself filled with rage, letting jealously control you, unable to get out of greed, or have lust ruin relationships.

So my challenge for today is if there is something where you are tempted to “flirt with the line”, pull back. Why bother getting close? Why even let yourself go there? You are made for more than that. Why bother focusing on the line or what you can’t do? Why not focus on how you can be someone filled with peace, grace, generosity, love, and life. And maybe today it starts with just deciding not to get anywhere close to that line.

And for my wife, if your reading this, maybe that means filling up the car… 😉

by Andrew Mills

Birthday’s, Blessings, and Books

I always found the stories in the Bible of the father’s blessing their sons a little weird. Just read in Genesis and you see it all the time. I pictured this weird ceremony where they would kneel or something and have these words spoken over them. I didn’t get it.

Then I had a son.

Yesterday was Hudson’s birthday. He’s two. He’s almost a man now. And I bought him one of the coolest kids books ever called stuck.

The book is great about things getting stuck in a tree. On the inside though I wrote a long note to Hudson, that I read to him now and I hope he’ll read later too. I wrote about how heis so fun and wonderful. I wrote about why I love him, what good things I see inside him. I wrote where I see him going. I spoke into his life words of trust and promise. And at the end I promised that no matter what happens, and no matter what gets “stuck”, I’d be there.

So I talked about his past, present, future and where I’ll be in all of it.

When I was done writing it – I knew what I would then do. Whether he gets it or not, we’re making a blanket fort. We’re crawling in it. We’re getting his Thomas the train engine flash light and cuddling up close together. And I am reading / speaking this blessing over him, because that’s what it is. It’s a blessing just like in the Old Testament where father’s would speak over their sons, shaping them, building into them, and creating hope. And maybe the Old Testament fathers didn’t say they’re blessing under blanket forts. For me though, the point is not where or when you bless someone but the actual act of taking time to speak blessing and life into someone.

So here’s my challenge to you. Bless someone else. Mother’s bless daughters. Father’s bless sons. Friends bless each other. Make it a habit and make it meaningful. Because for today more than any other day, I get why it matters. Because there is something powerful in sharing where someone is at, what you see in them, and where you see them going.

So why not share something meaningful with someone. Share why they matter, share who they are, and share blessing…

by Andrew Mills

Building Altars

Today I got to my office and heard a siren going off. The only odd part was the siren was coming out of my laptop bag.

In it I found this red fire-truck.

Hudson, my little boy, must have placed it there for me to take to work. He often takes toys to daycare, so maybe he thought I’d like to play firetrucks at work (which coincidentally I do enjoy doing).

But it got me to thinking about altars. Yes I know an odd jump but not that odd for me, just ask my wife. In Genesis we find people building altars to God consistently. And part of the reason for building altars was to remember. They were visual reminders of God. They physical visual reminders of God’s faithfulness. They were objects that reminded people that God was with them.

Much like fire-trucks.

This little fire-truck reminded me of my son, how he cares for me, and made me feel close to him even though physically we were far apart.

So maybe building altars and fire-trucks aren’t that different.

My challenge to you then today, or this week, is to build an altar in your life. Find something physical, something meaningful, and something deliberate to remind you of God. Place it someplace prominent in your life. Maybe on your desk, maybe on your counter, or taped to your mirror. But find an object and make an altar to God to remind you daily that you are not alone, God is with you, God is faithful, and God is close to you even if you feel far apart.

For me, if you haven’t guessed, my altar will be a little red fire-truck with a siren…

by Andrew Mills

Speaking New Things Into Being…

While out for lunch with someone the other day, I simply shared a few thoughts about where they were at. I was trying to simply understand their space, and maybe give some words to what they were feeling. When this happened it was like an understanding or world opened up for them. They said, “that’s it exactly”. It’s as if words opened up space for understanding, acceptance, and new meaning.

I’ve often pondered over Genesis 1. God creates with words. I’ve often wondered how his words have so much power, or how he could create something through speech. I no longer wonder about this.

Words have power. And when you listen, share, and speak something into someone else’s life it can breathe life – literally. Words have the power to create, to open up new understanding, new worlds, and new life. Sitting at a table drinking coffee and talking a few days ago confirmed that to me. The simple act of sharing deep conversation opened up new possibilities. In the Bible James teaches us about the tongue and how words can be used to hurt, and harm. But the flipside is true too. Words can be used to create hope and health.

So the question then is what are your words doing? Creating life, heath, and hope? Because words have power.

So today listen, and share deeply. Use your words to create, give life, and in this way follow the model of God in Genesis 1. Speak new life into being for someone today, and see what happens…

by Andrew Mills

My Top 10 Lessons I’ve Learned…Part 1

Here are my top ten lessons I’ve learned this year. To hear the expanded explanation download my sermon from Sunday here.

Here are a few of the first fun ones, and the list gets more serious as it goes.

Lesson #10: God Loves Top 10 Lists

This is pretty self-explanatory. Just go check out the original top ten list…the 10 Commandments. Looks like God invented it, not David Letterman.

Lesson #9: Laughter is Good For the Soul

Proverbs talks about how laughter feeds the soul. This is true, so go and watch something funny. Get together with friends and laugh. You’ll feel better. And now you know that laughter is a spiritual thing, and a Godly thing.

Lesson #8: God Loves Coffee

Now this is hard to prove biblically because the Bible really never mentions coffee. But I think if you’ll notice how many great God conversations happen over coffee you’ll need to agree that God must love it then. I’m pretty sure the logic is infallible, much like God.

Lesson #7: We can Find God in Creation

This year I learned how close you can feel to God when you recognize him in creation. Whether that’s being in awe of mountains, feeling the tranquility of a quiet lake, or the beauty of a sunset we can see God revealed in creation. This year more than most I’ve found myself feeling close to him simply in awe of his handiwork.

Lesson #6: We can Find God in Others

Since we’re all made in the image of God we have the potential to reveal God. This is really what my posts entitled “Where I Saw Jesus This Week…” are about. They’re about finding God in the everyday, and that’s become clear to me this year. God is not distant but waiting to be discovered in our midst.

Tomorrow I’ll post the next 3. But for now – which lessons resonate with you?

Which ones has God taught you as well this year?

by Andrew Mills