I just read this and thought it was beautiful, and wanted to share it:
“The love of our neighbor in all its fullness simply means being able to say to him, “What are you going through?” Simone Weil
Beautiful right?
Category: Personal Musings
Why Relationships Aren’t To Be Used but Cherished, and Why we Do It
Today I want to talk about the thing that is killing the church. And no it’s not bad theology, or that people don’t read their Bibles enough. These are important, but I think the thing that is killing the church is much more subtle. And it’s this: We use people.
We use people, we see people as leverage, and we see people as a means to our ends. Let me unpack that a little bit because it is important, dare I say critical too.
In essence, I think the trouble with the church is that we don’t love people deeply enough. We love who they can be or what they can do for us, but not who they are right now. We love the fact that they can change this light fixture, run this program, or give to this ministry. But do we simply first and foremost love them for who they are, before they contribute or do anything? Do we love them because they are worth loving?
And this is a subtle thing but a really key thing. Because we are called to love people where they are at, and not for what they can do, or even who they can become.
And this issue has even infected and affected our evangelism. Evangelism is literally sharing the good news about Jesus. This is a beautiful thing. But here is what can subtly happen – we make friends with them so they can come to know Jesus, and share Jesus with them. Rather than making friends because we think they are worth loving and caring.
And this happens all the time, and people see it, feel it, and know it. If you are nice to neighbors just so they will come to church, or come to know Jesus that’s just down-right wrong.
Yes I said wrong, and here is why. Because in that situation we are loving and caring for our neighbors just for our own agenda (going to church or accepting Jesus). Is that agenda good? Absolutely I believe deeply in the church and think Jesus is the hope of the world. But, and here is the kicker, it is still an agenda, even though it’s a good one. But love cares for people without an agenda. You don’t love your kids so that they will accept Jesus (but of course you pray they will). You love your kids because they are worth loving – and we need to live that way with everyone. People can know and sense if we love them, or if we love the “future them” they can become. But that’s using people, and not loving people. To love people you need to love who they are – right here and right now. God moves always in the present, and love is grounded in the present.
Andrew Root puts it this way:
Relationships in ministry are so significant not for what they get us but because they become the concrete yet mysterious places where the divine and human come together. Andrew Root
So what if we stop approaching the people in our church, our neighborhoods, or our community for what they can do for us – or for what we think is best for them. What if we love them where they are at, no agendas or strings attached, knowing that in that place Jesus is moving. What if we deeply practice love and just see what Jesus will do in and through that? Do I pray and hope that my friends and neighbors come to know Jesus – absolutely. He’s the biggest change in my life, and the reason I live my life the way I do. But I love my friends and neighbors first for who they are – people worth loving – and not for who they might become or do for me. And that small difference, makes all the difference.
In short, what I’m trying to say is this: relationships are to be cherished, not to be used. And I think this is something the church needs to learn if it is going to thrive. You know if someone loves you or what they can do for you. And that one subtle difference is something; the difference between a life-giving relationship, and a shallow fake relationship. And if the church is about anything it’s about deep relationships with each other, the world, and most of all, God. So let’s learn to love without an agenda.
Creativity, Leadership, and Learning to Launch
I want to begin by talking a little bit about creativity. Creativity is this weird thing. It’s something that we all have, but something most of us don’t capitalize on. And here is why: creativity always begins with unfinished, unpolished, and imperfect creations.
The truth is if you want to create, the first draft, step, or program will not be great. It will not be perfect, or flawless. Most likely it will be full of holes, and faults, and failures. And we hate that. We don’t like creating something that isn’t perfect, that isn’t a guaranteed success.
But here is the thing then: our fear is more controlling our destiny.
If you resist creating that book, that song, that new idea, that event, whatever it is – because it might not be perfect – you will never end up creating anything.
Tony Bronsink writes,
“Sometimes the first step of creating is the most awkward one. It’s an unfinished product, embarrassingly short of what we dreamed it would be, yet something more than we had before.”
And that is true and that is necessary. The first step in creating something is never perfect, but it is the first step that can lead to something life-giving and successful. If you wait to create that piece of art, that business, that new thing you want – until it’s perfect and guaranteed you’ll be waiting forever.
And here is the tie-in to leadership too. When we lead we love to lead to successes, and that should be the goal. But if the first step is often imperfect, embarrassingly short of what we dreamed, yet necessary, here’s the point: we should be okay with imperfection when we are striving forward. Imperfection shouldn’t stop us from taking the first step, and we shouldn’t just stop with a first step either, but we need to step out and try.
That’s my main point with this post. All of us have these things I think that we’d love to start. Maybe it’s a blog, a book, a neighborhood group, a Bible study, a new business, a piece of art, a new hobby – or whatever. But often what stops is isn’t a lack of ability or creativity – it’s a lack of courage in the face of fear that our first step won’t be perfect or a guaranteed success. Well here is the liberating truth: the first step is never perfect or a guaranteed success…so what’s stopping you from taking it?
When Fear Comes Calling in the Middle of the Night ~ Fear As the Opposite of Faith
Earlier this week I was listening to a song that had a line that really caught my attention. It was this:
“In the middle of the night, when fear comes calling / Singin’ it all dies, awfully scared, alone / I’m looking into your eyes and feel your calm / Pretty thing that catches me so strong when I fall”
This lyric just put words, and emotions to something I know I feel deep down: that fear steals life.
Isn’t that true? Fear steals life, it steals life while it’s happening proclaiming in the middle of the night that all dies, awful, and alone. Fear plays to our worst parts of ourselves, and calls them true. That’s why I really believe fear is the opposite of faith.
Whereas fear tells us that the worst is true, faith tells us that the best is yet to come. Fear tells us that life is over, faith tells us that life can begin again. Fear plays to death, faith plays to life.
The Apostle John after arguing that God is love, says that perfect love casts out fear. Or that God’s perfect presence banishes fear. In God’s presence, captivated by faith, fear is flushed away.
And while that song isn’t singing about God, for me those lines are true in relation to God. That when fear comes in the middle of the night, calling, luring, and lying to me, I look into the eyes of Jesus and feel his calm; his gaze catches me so strongly when I fall and reminds me of one thing: That in his love there is no need for fear.
Why Leadership Entails Failing
I think if we want to learn to be leaders, and leadership can be learnt, we have to learn to live with messiness. And I don’t mean just messiness around us, but messiness within us.
Here’s what I mean by that: learning necessitates failing, mistakes, and messiness.
You can’t become competent at something without trying, and without failing. That’s part of developing competence and ability. You try something, you make mistakes, you grow, you learn and you try again.
And that same principle is true with leadership. We won’t be able to grow as a leader if we are worried about failing, or making a mess. Instead, we should be growing in leadership as the art of learning from our mistakes and our messes.
All leaders fail and flounder. Which means to become a leader we have to learn to be okay with failing.
That almost sounds backwards in the leadership world. In the leadership world the talk is about success, moving forward, and casting vision. And those are all true and good things. The difficulty is that no one can do that perfectly on their first try. It’s something we grow in, and learn through our mistakes.
So all I’m saying is this: if you want to be a leader, you’re going to have to learn to be okay with making mistakes, and decide you are going to learn from your mistakes.
And that also means that if you are going to be raising other leaders around you, you’ll have to be okay with their mistakes too. In all honesty, I think leadership comes down to learning from mistakes, and allowing people to make mistakes.
So my challenge to each of you is this: go out and try to be a leader. Don’t let the worry about making mistakes stop you from trying, because that’s actually a deep part of leadership.
Why Being Real Matters So Much, and Why Its So Hard
Being real matters to me. That doesn’t mean I’m good at it (I’m trying though), but that it deeply matters to me. I don’t know how you can have trust without authenticity ~ and trust is the currency of relationships.
What I mean by that is that without trust relationships don’t work, and they actually aren’t relationships. Without trust relationships devolve into contracts, conversations, or mutually aligned interests but they aren’t deeply committed friendships.
Which brings me back to authenticity. Because trust is based on being real, authentic, and true. But being authentic is hard in today’s world. It’s hard to be true. It’s hard to be content with who we are, and to be real about that. I read other people’s Facebooks and want my life to be as cool as others. I read other people’s posts about their kids and wish my kids said deeply spiritual things. Instead Hudson said at Sunday School, when they were discussing the burning bush, that if Heatwave (a Firetruck Transformer) was there he would have put it out. Yep that’s my son – thinking about dousing Moses’ burning bush.
But what’s the point? The point is that even though it can be tempting to puff up our lives, to embellish, to become jealous, and to wish we were something different or more – it’s not worth it.
It’s not worth it if you want true relationships. It’s not worth it if you want things that last. It’s not worth it if you want your life to mean something. Because in the end the only thing that matters are relationships. And those are all built on trust, and being true and real.
So while at times I wish Hudson was deeply spiritual, the truth is he loves Heatwave and Transformers. And while sometimes I wish my life was as “cool” as other people’s seem to be, the truth is I’m pretty content with my everyday rhythms staying at home and watching Netflix with Krista.
The point I’m trying to make is that being real is hard, but it’s worthwhile.
So the next time you’re tempted to be anything less than real, muster up the courage and let people see the real you. The person who doesn’t have their house, parenting, or life put perfectly together. Let people see the real you, trust in you, and in the end your life and theirs will be better for it
Few Who Believe in Jesus Believe in His Revolutionary Ideas
A quote to chew on today:
Far too few who believe in the risen Christ actually believe in his revolutionary ideas. Brian Zahnd
That is a deep one.
We love the fact that Jesus saves us, we love the fact that Jesus loves us, but we are less comfortable with how he says we should live and love. We love that fact that Jesus loves us, when we were enemies, but we are reluctant to love our enemies. We believe in the risen Christ but don’t believe in his revolutionary ideas of love, sacrifice, and grace.
This quote makes me uncomfortable, and it should.
Because it’s so easy to like Jesus, and believe in him. The hard part is following him, is living like him, is being willing to practice what he practiced.
So while this quote makes me uncomfortable, it’s a good thing. Because sometimes when you get uncomfortable you get out of your comfort zone. And I think that’s what I need. I need to be challenged not just to believe in Jesus, but live like Jesus. To not just believe in a risen Christ, but to believe in his revolutionary ideas and follow them.
So while this quote makes me a little uncomfortable, it’s a good thing.
What do you think of it?
The Leadership Test: Are you leading, or helping others to lead?
The real test of leadership isn’t what you can do, but what you empower and enable others to do.
What I mean by this is simple. Real leaders raise leaders, enable others, and empower others. But we have this idea in our cultural mind that leaders blaze a trail, get stuff done, and move things forward by the sheer force of their will. And maybe that’s true sometimes.
But I think the true leader isn’t’ the one who focuses on what they can get done, but what they can help others to get done.
And it’s a shift in thinking but it needs to happen.
The best leaders are the ones who help others to lead well.
So it’s not just about focusing on what you can do, but what can you help others to do?
Why 4 Year Old’s Are the Best Theologians
I think I might be raising a theologian, or maybe better put Hudson is teaching me to be a better theologian. Hudson shared this with me about his grandpa who died, but whom he desperately wants to see.
“Daddy you know Grandpa is coming back because he loved God, just like Jesus who loved God died and came back”.
Yep that about covers it, that’s Easter, resurrection, and good theology all wrapped up in one simple sentence. Sometimes the young are the smartest.
Pretending in Leadership
Dan Rockwell, tweeted this a few days ago:
Pretending we know more than we know is one reason we don’t know more.
And that is absolutely true. Pretending we know more than we know isn’t one reason we don’t know more – it’s the reason.
To say, “I don’t know” is one of the least accepted things in our culture. Especially in business, leadership, and in theology today. To say “I don’t know” is tantamount to saying, “I’m not a real leader, an expert, or capable”.
But this pressure to pretend and posture in our culture is killing our leadership and influence.
Another way you could to put it is this: arrogance is killing our leadership and growth.
Or as the Bible puts it, “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom”. Proverbs 11:2.
The point is that if we want to grow, if we want to learn, if we want to lead well’’, pretending has got to go. Arrogance has got to go. We need to learn to grow humility, to learn from those around us, and to be okay with saying “I don’t know”. And as we do this not only will we become better leaders, but better people.
{ Andrew Mills } 