Category: Personal Musings

The Joy of a Ziggle

What is a ziggle you may ask? Only the most amazing toy ever. Hudson has one of these at daycare, and just loves it. So I found it online, got it shipped, and Hudson had one of the best days of his life. Here is a video of him on it:

 

He loves the speed, he loves “ziggling”, and scootering around. He loves spinning faster and faster. He just has such a sense of joy with it.

Here is what struck me with Hudson. Do I get that amount of joy out of anything? I mean Hudson gets pure joy out of the ziggle? Is there anything that gives me that much joy in life?

I don’t ask that question in a downer way or depressing way. I would say I’m a pretty happy, and optimistic person. I ask that question out of a “depth or capacity” concern.

What I mean by that is this: have I through the process of living lost some of my ability to deeply feel joy?

Has my ability to fully experience joy been lessened by living life? Have I lost some capacity for joy, life, and love? Because Jesus is clear – he has come to give life abundant, full life, and joyous life (John 10:10). But have I lost some of that?

And if I’m honest, in some ways the answer to those questions are…yes. In some ways I don’t seem to enter into life as fully as Hudson.  I’m not as prepared as he is to shout with joy.  I’m not maybe as ready to experience joy as deep as he does. And for me this isn’t a guilty thing. This is just a real thing that I hope to change.

And here is how I’m going to change it in three steps.

  1. I’m going to pray and ask God for more joy. I don’t think I’ve ever really done this. But it seems like a good place to start. If you read the Psalms (like 51:8, 12) the writers are often asking for joy. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, so it’s something that we can be given more of.  Just like we can pray and ask for more patience and self-control. So why not ask for more joy? Seems like a good thing to get to me!
  2. I’m going to spend more time with my boys. I think if you find a source of joy, stick with it. And Jesus says that the Kingdom of God belongs to the childlike. So I’m going to learn from them how to enter the moment.
  3. Last but not least, I’m going to try to have more margin in my life. I’ve noticed the busier I am, the less joyful I feel. So I’m going to try to change this and really enter into the moment.

So those are some of the things I’ve been learning from Hudson, and I think it’s worth thinking about. Oh and there is one more step to finding joy…seeing if anyone makes an adult sized ziggle 🙂

by Andrew Mills

Is Jesus God or is Jesus…Jesus?

question-markI’ve found that my 4 year old has a way of asking theological questions that are both complex, and completely obvious. He asks the questions that I often just take for granted.

Like last week we were driving home after daycare, and I was listening to a sermon in the car. And Hudson stops me and ask this question, “Dad…Is Jesus God, or is Jesus…Jesus”. And right away he gets to the heart of a difficult but true thing that I don’t think many of us get. Because the answer to his question is yes. Yes Jesus is God, but Jesus is also…Jesus. Hudson was trying to understand, are Jesus and God the same (the answer is yes), but is Jesus also Jesus distinct from God (the answer is also yes).

This confused Hudson to no end, because it is confusing, because I was trying to explain the Trinity to a 4-year old. This is the heart of the trinity where we have one God (Jesus is God), but three persons (Jesus is Jesus distinct from the Father and Spirit).

My point isn’t to resolve or explain Trinitarian theology in a short blog post. My point is actually much broader than that. What my 4 year old is teaching me is that I need to dive deeper into my faith and understanding. He is pointing out obvious questions that I think we need to wrestle with that have implications for our faith. I think because we are so “comfortable” with Christianity that we stopped asking some of the obvious questions that matter.

Here are just some Hudson has asked me in the past month:

  • Is Jesus God or is Jesus…Jesus?
  • If Jesus died on the cross did God die then too?
  • If Jesus is always with me why can’t I see or hear him?

These are all questions that matter, questions that are worth thinking about, questions that should drive us deeper into faith. So my whole point of this post is really simple: what questions about faith should you be asking and wrestling with? Which ones have you maybe overlooked? Which ones are just accepted but not really understood for you? And how can you start to learn and grow? Because asking questions, searching for answers, praying, and searching the Scriptures is part of the quest of faith and growing with God. And if you don’t have any questions that’s okay, just spend some time with Hudson and he will soon have one for you J

by Andrew Mills

A Prayer from the Boss

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Some of you know I really like Bruce Springsteen. I’ve quoted a few songs a few times. But today I was listening to a song of his that just reminded me so much of what part of the essence of following Jesus is about. I don’t think that’s what he was singing about, but that doesn’t matter to me much. What he sang taught me about Jesus anyway. He sings this:

  • May your strength give us strength
  • May your faith give us faith
  • May your hope give us hope
  • May your love bring us love / May your love bring us love

(Into the Fire, Bruce Springsteen)

That’s a pretty good prayer if I’ve ever heard one. And it’s one I’m praying today.

by Andrew Mills

Hudson and His Church Antics, and Church Love

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Today we were talking about Jesus as Hudson and I drove to daycare. At one point Hudson just blurts out “Daddy I really love Jesus, because I love going to church.” For Hudson the connection he has with our church, has positively influenced his connection with Jesus. And I know for many people out there, the church hasn’t been helpful with people connecting with Jesus. For some they like Jesus, but not the church. But that’s why I love my church so much, because it is showing and helping Hudson to fall in love with the Jesus I know.

So my first thought to Hudson’s little statement was this. Thank you. Thank you to all those in our church who continue to pour into our kids. Thank you for all those who welcome kids and make them feel safe and supported. Thank you for all those who continue to love not only my sons but all those around you.

  • Thank you that when he runs down the aisle yelling that he has to pee, you smile and say “run fast little guy”.
  • Thank you for how when we were potty training, and at the front of the church he pulled down his pants to show off his new “big boy” underwear – you all cheered.
  • Thank you for how you watch my boys on Sundays so I can connect with others, and I always know he is safe and cared for.
  • And yes last but not least, I will even say thank you to all of you (which is most of you) who love to give my boys as many cookies and treats as possible before we go home. Because your generosity has Hudson hooked on church, and Jesus.

So thank you. And for all of you who don’t go to my church, thank you if you do the same in your community. If you welcome and care and reach out. Because those little actions, high fives, and hugs change lives. I know they’ve changed Hudson’s and because of that – they are changing mine too. Thank you.

by Andrew Mills

Learning to Eat Frogs

1059950_13941892I don’t know where I heard this analogy but I often think of it. And by often I mean all the time. I actually have a list called “Frogs to Eat” on the top of my monthly goals. And that heading will make sense in a moment.

But here is the idea. Leadership is like eating frogs.

There are things each of us has to do to be an effective leader that we might not want to do. And this changes for each person in each role. The point is that leadership entails doing things that we might rather not do. For example we might need to make a tough phone call, to do that admin we’ve been procrastinating on, to take that leap whatever. We all have things we need to do that we don’t want to do, that’s eating frogs.

Frogs are the weekly tasks that for whatever reason seem annoying, distasteful, or unwanted – but are needed to be done. And that’s key.

So here is how it works: Each week you have a certain number of frogs you need to eat to move forward. If you don’t the next week, the number of frogs you have to eat just multiply, and the frogs grow bigger as well. Time never makes a hard decision easier. Each time you delay doing that thing you need to do, the number and size of the frogs grow.

So leadership is learning to eat the frogs before they grow and multiply too much. That’s the idea.

Each month then I line up and think through what are the frogs I need to eat. Things I’d rather not do, but that are crucial to do; things I’d rather delay than decide on. Then I try to eat those frogs. It’s not the fun part of leadership, but it a crucial part of it.

So here is my question for you today: what frog do you need to eat?

by Andrew Mills

We Keep Forgetting Who We Are…

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Henri Nouwen, who is generally brilliant in all he writes, once wrote this:

One of the tragedies of our life is that we keep forgetting who we are.

And this true.

One of the great tragedies of our lives is that we forget who we are. We forget that we are loved. Because who we all are, according to the Bible, are people who are deeply loved, cherished, and valued by God. We have value, worth and intrinsic significance, not just because of what we do or believe, but because the Creator loves his creation; because the Father loves his children; because the King loves his people; because the Spirit loves his family.

The point is that it is a tragedy whenever we forget who we are, when we forget we are loved. Because when we forget this central truth, our lives can spiral and spin through difficulty, and insecurity. But when we are centred on this truth, that we are loved, our lives can burst forth meaning, courage, and significance.

So I just think that’s something worth reflecting on today. That you are loved. Don’t forget it.

by Andrew Mills

How Hudson Reminded me of What Resurrection Means and Why It Matters

30026_10150185277700328_2981872_nYesterday was the anniversary of my dad’s death. I say death, and not passing, because death sounds like a harsher word. And it is a harsher word; it speaks the hurt that happens because of it.

Since I was feeling quite down, I thought the best thing would be to talk to my sons about why I was feeling sad. I didn’t want them to think it was about them, and thought I could share a bit about their grandfather with them.

So Hudson sat with me and I told him that I was feeling sad because my dad, his grandpa, died on this day a few years ago.

Hudson didn’t know quite what to make of that. So he tentatively asked, “He…died.” I said yes he did. He said, “Like this”, and proceeded to make a face with eyes closed and tongue stuck out. I said yes like that, and thought maybe having this conversation was a bad idea.

The next 10 sentences we shared together I doubt I’ll ever forget. They sound made up, but they were true and unforced and untouched. I believe God can speak to us through anyone, and I think he chose to speak to me through my son. And this is what he told me, and why I think sometimes 4 year old are closer to God than anyone.

He said, “It’s okay dad to be sad, but just for a little while. I miss grandpa too. He loved me, and loved to scoot me around and he loved you. Grandpa told me I was special. I miss him too. So you can be sad because he died but just for a little while.”

I asked him why just for a little while. And this is what he said, “Because daddy, Jesus died too right? (I said yes he did). But Jesus is here now. He’s alive. He told me so, and so did you. So grandpa is with Jesus now. He died and is living just like him. He’s here too, and he loves us daddy. So its okay to miss him, but it just for a little while because he’ll be back again right…just like Jesus”

And I said the only thing I could think of, “Of course you’re right Hudson”

Hudson then gave me a big hug, and said “I love you daddy, and I love grandpa too” And then because he is also a four-year old he asked if we could play trucks tomorrow, and if Jesus had wings, which we then talked about.

I write all this because sometimes in the hard times, you just need to be reminded of what is true. And sometimes that takes a 4-year old who remembers what you teach him, so he can remind you of what matters.

by Andrew Mills

A Reminder I’d Rather Not Have…The Anniversary of My Dad’s Death

My dad died 4 years ago today. This is a day that I mark in my life but I wish this is a day that would never have happened. It reminds me and brings me back to a very difficult time in my life.

This is a day that comes around once a year that reminds me of something I know each and everyday – that someone is missing.

Someone is missing at my son’s soccer games. Someone is missing after I preach a good sermon to talk it through with. Someone is missing to give me advice and counsel when I desperately need it. Someone is missing in my life.

Some days its felt more than others, but its always felt. And today is one of those days.

So what do you do on days like today? Where things are hard, loss seems so present, and hurt so close by?

Well here is my answer – but I promise you it’s not a good one, or really one you’d expect a pastor to say. But it is an honest answer. You give in for a day. You give in for a day.

I know people say be strong, say get through it, say don’t ever give up. I know people say that, but sometimes I just think people are wrong or maybe others are just stronger than me. But I know when days like today come around once a year, the answer isn’t to try to tough it out, the answer isn’t to try to forget the hurt, the answer isn’t to busy yourself past it, but to enter into it.

So that’s what I’m doing today. I’m giving in for a day.

There is a line in a song I love by Florence and the Machine that says this, “I’m not giving up, I’m just giving in” And that’s how I feel today. I’m not giving up. Tomorrow I will get up and go to work. Tomorrow I will wake up and cook breakfast for my boys like I do every day. Tomorrow I will check emails, read Facebook, and check soccer scores. Tomorrow I will get back to my regular rhythm of life. But that’s tomorrow, today I won’t. Today I’ll give in, and remember that the rhythm of my life has forever been changed because someone is missing. So I will give in, I will be sad, I will sit, I will think, I will pray, and then decide I don’t want to pray, and I’ll talk about my dad. And I’ll repeat those actions a hundred times today.

You might disagree that this is healthy. That’s fine, do whatever is healthy for you. Tough it out if you can. But I know I’ve just never been that tough. So today “I’m not giving up. I’m just giving in.” And if you’ve ever been through loss, difficulty, or death it’s okay to give in for a day.

by Andrew Mills

Daddy You’re My Son

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Earlier this week Hudson woke me up from bed because we all slept in (Praise God!). And he said something a bit strange…”Wake up daddy, you’re my son. I love you. Wake up daddy”. And I said to him, “Hey buddy I’m your daddy, you’re my son. I’m not your son.”

And then he explained what he meant to me. Hudson went on to explain how I am his son, because he loves me. Hudson has somehow so associated the word love, and son – that they have become almost interchangeable for him.

And for me this is an amazing thing!

What it means is that I must use the words love and son in such close connection so often that Hudson hasn’t separated them. That for him they are almost synonyms. He believes that to be a son is to be loved, and that when you love someone they are your son.

And it just made me think – what if all our kids new this? I mean, what if they all knew deep down that to be a son or a daughter is to be loved? That being loved is foundational to their identity as a son or daughter? That because they are a son or a daughter they are loved beyond anything else and that – that love is certain and forever? What if the words and actions of our lives so tie together the words sons, daughters, and love that they can’t be separated? I think this is a beautiful goal and it is also a godly goal.

Because if we learn anything from the Gospels we should learn that in God’s Kingdom to be a child of God and to be loved unconditionally are intimately tied together. That being a son or daughter of God is so foundationally tied to being loved completely that they can’t be separated. 1st John 3:1 says this, “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” Being a child of God is to be loved by God, and being loved by God is to be included and welcomed into his family. I just think that’s beautiful. And I think anytime we can model that love and inclusion in our own families is important too.

So obviously all of that is to say that I didn’t correct Hudson. So if he runs up to you and says you are his son, it just means he loves you deeply like a dad does a son. And that’s not a bad thing.

by Andrew Mills

Parenting in the Modern Age

I was reading about C.S. Lewis and came across this quote from his wife Joy.

She writes this:

“Provoke not your children to wrath” (Eph 6:4) Easily said; but how are we to avoid it? Strife between old and young seems inevitable. Today the world changes fast and inconceivably fast; in pastoral and agricultural times, what a man knew was of use to his son, but in the industrial age Father’s knowledge is out of date before the son is half grown up…Our problem, then, pending the reconstruction of the world, is to reconstruct our own lives so that we give our children as much warmth and attention and time and teaching as the present world will allow…and let us remind the innumerable Americas who don’t seem to know it that begetting and rearing a family are far more real and rewarding than making and spending money.”

All I can say is that this stopped me and made me think. I also think I’m going to stop blogging for today and go and play and be with my boys…

by Andrew Mills